The official video for Janelle Monae's Cold War has
recently premiered. It is as follows, courtesy of YouTube.
I, for one, was elated to see that a video production was to be made for the song. I absolutely love the album, the ArchAndroid, and the song "Cold War" is one of my favorites from the album. It has been one of my favorites because I personally felt like Janelle Monae' was belting out the elements of my emotional state in her song. Crazy right? Well maybe so. At least I can admit it.
Upon listening to the album, I will admit I was going through some changes. Many of those changes are still haunting me. But either way, I felt as though I was fighting for my sanity. My sanity was being challenged by the changes I was and am still going through. Change is an inevitable series of processes each of us must go through as time progresses. Some of us welcome change, while others resist change, kicking and screaming along. I usually try to pull up my big-girl pants and face life's challenges head on, with the reminded wing and a prayer in my heart. Lately, however, this has not been the case for me!
I have been fighting for my sanity, just as Janelle suggests she is doing in the first verse. I worry if I am making the right decision about school. Does completing this degree help me pursue my passion? Or am I simply completing this degree to prove my consistency to family and friends? Am I being the best mother I can be to my children? Am I satisfying my fiancee' completely? Why is it so hard to deal with the death of my father? Should it be making me so angry and bitter? It's astounding how so many thoughts, fears, and worries can be stirring within me, though my outer appearance bears no impression of stress. This is when I begin to delve deep into my internal struggle: the cold war within me.
After searching within for answers, the only thing I could come up with was two sad realities. Number One: the world does not stop because war is happening. Especially not a war going on within one individual. Number Two: the inner struggle never stops. It is as constant as life. Janelle implies that death is the only freeing agent of this war. So every day we fight for our freedom, only to receive it in perpetuity. While accepting this reality was quite depressing at first, it brought me to a few more conclusions in my thought process.
Surely one reading this may think I sound a bit crazy. But then again, who isn't? Each and every one of us has to deal with internal conflict. Many of us who are parents feel like we have to put that "S" on our chests and fight off all the evils of the world to protect our children. All of us want to be loved and accepted by someone, whether it is easy for us to admit or not. At one point or another we all have wondered if we were making the right decisions in life for our futures. FEAR, IN SOME FORM OR ANOTHER, HAS PLAGUED US ALL. The best thing for each of us to do is find our happy medium. Armor ourselves with love. With love and hope, we all can deal with the cold war within us as well as around us. But most importantly, as Janelle demands, "you better know who you're fighting for!" I wonder to myself if I know, as tears stream down my face watching this video. I don't know if I begin to cry because she does, or if it is because I am insecure with who or what I am fighting for.
So I ask each of you, do you know who or what you're fighting for?