Ladies and gents, I am proud to present to you a new mommy blogger who I am so elated to have crossed paths with. Cheap and Fabulous Mom on a Nickel blogger Dee is a new blogger who gives the goods on her site about real life, motherhood, fashion on a "nickel", and many other things. She is very genuine and inspirational, and I am happy to be sharing her words with you all. Check out her feature, "Where Is the Love?" by clicking read more.
I’m telling you, we should take our hats off and give props to the women who dare to still believe in love. Strong relationships are few and far between and believe it or not, some women settle for much less than they are worth. I was speaking with one of my girlfriends, as she informed me that she is truly at the point of giving up on love. Her ex was cheating, jealous, emotionally unavailable, and unwilling to do the work required to keep the relationship in good standing. She was left unable to deal with it, and after a long run of her trying to sustain the relationship on her own, she had finally faced facts and called it quits. I had this same conversation with at least four other women this past weekend, which actually makes it not so funny at all. I’m starting to see a pattern here, and I’m wondering what is going on?
Recently, a male friend told me that he believes it’s harder for a woman to find a quality man, than it is for a man to find a woman. He attributes it to the decline in job availability and the economic crisis. I believe several factors attribute to divorce being on the rise, and loving relationships becoming almost extinct.
I can only speak for me, but I think women need men of substance. I've heard that I am too picky and that I set my standards too high. Let me tell you, I’ve already been through that “lowering my standards” phase and it was totally not worth it. There was a time when I didn’t love or value who I was as woman and during that time, I settled. That time has long past. I know what I want, and I know who I am. It doesn't mean I'm not a fighter, because I also fight for things that I believe in. But, if there are things in the relationship that I absolutely cannot deal with, I’m out! I need to be treated a certain kind of way, I need to be respected, and I know I don’t ask for too much. I’m simply not going to settle. I deserve much more. I know my worth, and unless you have put a ring on it, some things I just ain't going for. But setting standards and knowing one’s worth are attributes that everyone must adopt for themselves.
That brings to mind other factors to consider. Like getting deep into the depths of your soul, and discovering that sometimes the lack in the relationship resides within. I used to tell myself, it’s not him, or me, we just aren't right for each other. And sometimes, this is the case. Other times our fears surface from past hurts, and have warped our image of relationships so bad, that it's often doomed from the start. We cannot solely rely on another person to make us feel happy or whole. That is certainly the wrong approach, as we know that happiness is a state of mind that has to be achieved by numero uno. And yes, by numero uno, I mean you! Besides, that's a huge responsibility to place on someone else. Putting people on pedestals and unleashing unrealistic expectations on them is straight up murder in the first degree to a relationship. There has to be a mutual respect of the other, a true desire to love them freely, getting the love back that you put out. The universe is like a boomerang, and what you put into it, will certainly come back. It should never be a one way street, a huge heartache, or a war.
This information has been tested in love and relationships throughout time. I don't claim to be a love and relationship guru, but I carry these tools, by way of experience. I hear so many love turned to hate marriage/relationship stories, that I often find solace in just being by myself. That's a sad statement. But it's true. Don't you wonder, if any of us have truly experienced that agape love that the Bible speaks of? Even though I completely understand my friend being reluctant to go there again, I am proud to say that I haven't given up on love, nor have I given up on the idea of marriage. I mean, how could I when The Bible is so big on love? God is the absolute source of all love. As a Christian, I now believe that loving God and loving other people are so interrelated, that we cannot have one without the other. We were created out of love, for love, to experience love and be loved.
Still the question remains, where is the love? Have you given up on love? We first need to ask ourselves are we looking to just have a man, a fling, a jump off, a relationship, or do we want love? The first thing you need to determine is what it is that you want or desire in a relationship. Then you have to look yourself in the face and say, do I deserve what I really want. Of course you do, but if you don't believe it to be so, it won't be. At times, we encounter very loving and genuine individuals, and subconsciously sabotage that because of our thinking. The first relationship you need to have is with yourself. If there are character defects within you, that need to be worked out and it's ignored, the same ole, same ole may revisit you since it's still in you. Have you ever heard the saying, you are what you attract? It's true. Let's examine it for a minute. You have to realize how your brain and your heart work in conjunction with one another. If you feel depressed, broken, or if your life is in shambles, you will attract someone who will most likely bring all those issues to the forefront. Your mate is like a mirror image of who you are.
We are what we attract. If you walk around saying I'm broke, you will indeed be broke. Words have power, and thoughts do too. So you see, taking a look at yourself, and determining your character defects is imperative. Once you know who you are, you can begin to change things about yourself that you don't necessarily like. Know who you are, and what you desire. Just like most girls, I want the fairytale too. But, we aren't girls anymore. We are women. It's hightime we take responsibility for ourselves and the part that we play in relationships.
I truly understand my fellow women when they have doubts about men and relationships. But somehow, I remain positive. Foremost, because of the relationship I have with my heavenly father. I know what I've discussed with him, prayed for, and believe in. He knows the desires of my heart, and my heart so desires a stable, healthy, loving partnership with the man that God would have for me. There is no way that God, being who He is, wouldn't honor the desires of my heart. He said he would, and he honors his promises. I also know that he told me to wait. We have to start waiting on "the one" that God is preparing us for. We cannot give in to every slick talking, sexy dressing, mind blowing man that comes our way. If we want true stable relationships or husbands, then why are we settling for being the jump off? Do you believe you deserve the best? I sure do. Women are gorgeous, free flowing, dynamic, and courageous creatures. We're sometimes seen as complex, but that complexity is often the source of our beauty. I don't believe we are being set up for failure. I do believe that we are being prepared for a loving relationship that will last a lifetime. I also know people in good relationships and with loving marriages, my parents included, so I look up to them, and I still believe. What you want is within reach. Don't give up on love ladies, for love has definitely not given up on you.
~Cheap And Fab Mom