So I wanted to start a series called "THE SINGLE GIRLS GUIDE", where I would just chronicle different things that Single Girls have to experience and learn from. I was having a conversation with my family members and friends and we got on the topic of marriage and friendships and how the two work (and don't work) together. So I decided to bring Mrs. Drea in to give us some tips about what things have to change when dealing with a friend who already is, or is soon to be, married.
THINGS MAY BE AWKWARD AT FIRST, BUT THIS IS OKAY | While the new bride is trying to adjust to her new role as wife, she may come off as being unavailable. Her phone calls may become less frequent, her visits may become shortened and it may seem as though you have been replaced. Do not fret! You may just have to give her a little time to go through her honeymoon stage and then suggest scheduling a catch-up date once things settle down.
NEW BOUNDARIES MUST BE FORMED | Remember when you girls use to camp out on each others' couches and watch chick flicks together at her place in the middle of the night? Remember when you could stop by anytime and rant about the job, the new guy or family problems? Well this may be a little tricky now that she is sharing quarters with her man. While your friend may be absolutely fine with you stopping by anytime to rant or catch up, her husband may not be. He might not like hearing about office gossip and reality cat-fights as much as she will. Boundaries have to be set for overnight stays as well. Though this may not have to be said for some, others may need to know that it might not be okay to just crash on your friend’s couch anymore. Unless the couple agrees, I think this is a bad idea.
JUST BECAUSE SHE'S MARRIED, DOESN'T MEAN SHE DOESN'T NEED YOU ANYMORE | She is not trading in her friendships for her husband, trust me. She still loves hanging out, shopping, girl talks, going to the movies and traveling with you. If you are close and really care about each other, the forming of a new relationship should not affect the bond that the two of you share.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY | If you feel that things are changing between the two of you in a bad way, tell her. Perhaps she doesn’t realize it. Maybe you find yourself growing tired of her ramble about her life as a wife. You might be getting sick of her only calling you when she wants to complain about her marriage woes. Why not share your feelings? Tell her in a nice way that you would rather do something fun or interject by switching subjects and talking about more lighthearted things. No one wants to hear a lot of awkward “life stage talk”, especially if you haven’t entered that stage of life yet. This tip can be incorporated into all the others. No matter what the situation, never be afraid to share your feelings with the other person. Respecting and nurturing your friendships also means being able to communicate about its peaks and valleys.
DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE | Many will argue that married women cannot and should not be friends with single women. I totally disagree with this logic. I believe that some single women may feel that the newly married woman is no longer fun to hang around and some newly married women believe that hanging around with their single friends may lead to trouble on the home front. While you guys may not be able to do some of the things you did before (like scoping out potentials), a friendship between you and your married friend can still be maintained. There may need to be an adjustment made on the activities you partake in, but a friendship should not be broken just because one of you becomes hitched.
DON'T WRITE HER OFF BECAUSE SHE MISSES "GIRLS NIGHT OUT" | As mentioned above, there may be social functions that your newly-married friend may not be able to attend. In the beginning she may have a slight problem scheduling time for the girls and time for the hubby. There may be mixers and overnight stays she cannot attend because of conflicts with her new responsibilities. In fact, she may not be able to attend because her husband doesn't want her to. Is she going to tell you this? Probably not. She will be trying her best to avoid conflicts between the two of you at all costs. So if she tells you that she won’t be in attendance at a couple of events, don’t be upset with her. There will be other opportunities!