What I Learned from Lynn Searcy

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Enter Lynn: Lynn Searcy is the free-spirited, uninhibited Girlfriend of the group.  She was a long time friend of Joan and Toni's, as the three of them were roommates in college.  Since then, she lived with Joan for eight years, figuring out her place in life by immersing herself in the arts and avoiding the everyday hassles of the real world.  She's artistic, very spiritual, and drawn to other spiritual beings who have a passion for music and the arts.  Though Lynn may appeared to be the most liberated of the group, she often felt lost and in search of who she was as an individual.  She eventually credited this to being adopted and not knowing who her biological parents were.  As seasons progressed, Lynn met her biological mother, and began to figure out who she was and what she wanted in life.  This led to her finding her own place, following her own destiny, and finally getting signed to a record label as a musician.

How I identify with Lynn:  Like Lynn, I consider myself to be multi-faceted. This is a quality that society usually sees as being scatter-brained.  If the funds permitted, I would probably be a student forever and obtain five degrees just like Lynn! Maybe....  Like Lynn, I am drawn to other artistic individuals, namely those who love music and literature as much as I do.  I can draw for hours from others who bask in culture.  While Lynn may have been more free with her sexuality than I, I can definitely appreciate how in touch she was with it.  She never let society's ideals and constraints mar her need to have as many partners as she so desired.  Lynn was comfortable with who she was, never tried to be anyone but Lynn, and never judged others who were not living as she was.  I admired that most about her.

Below are five things I learned from Lynn Ann Searcy throughout the show's tenure:

1. You can't keep running forever:  Sometimes, especially in earlier seasons, it appeared as though Lynn was running.  She was running from responsibility.  Sure she had plenty of education, but she had no clear goals about her future.  So while all of her other girlfriends lived in the real world, clocking hours and paying bills, Lynn became a resident of Joan's (and later William's and Maya's) couch.  After much tough love from her friends and an epiphany about her future, Lynn soon got tired of running and ventured out into the unknown.

2. Less worry = less stress.  One thing I could admire about Lynn's character was her carefree attitude.  There was rarely a time when Lynn let anything bother her to the point of worry and frustration.  On the surface it may look like Lynn simply avoided conflict and responsibility, but many could learn a lesson from this behavior.  Never sweat the small stuff!  But by all means, don't be like Lynn and create a conspiracy theory to  excuse yourself from handling personal responsibilities.

3. Women are free to embrace their sexuality however they see fit.  As I mentioned before, Lynn was seen as being the promiscuous one of the group.  While Joan was busy implementing a three-month rule (which meant no sex for the first three months of a relationship) and Maya was often criticizing Lynn for embracing casual sex, Lynn viewed sex as another form of liberation.  She often shared her many trysts lightheartedly with her other girlfriends, as they gasped, shocked and appalled.  Though I agreed that Lynn was a bit wild for my taste, I thought highly of her for owning her sexuality.  Lynn embraced her sexuality as she saw fit, rather than using it as bait for another, or a way to control another, as many women have done over time.  I was even more impressed when she researched sexuality in society and thus completed a project involving AIDS in the African American female population.

4. Sometimes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  But they are not one in the same.  In a quest to find inspiration while completing a documentary (in which Lynn believes to be her life's work), Lynn makes plans to visit her estranged biological mother.  In visiting Sandy, Lynn learns that her biological mother is much like she is-- overly sexual, flighty, and great at avoiding conflict (or people, for that matter).  As Lynn observes all of her mother's unfinished projects and abandoned bright ideas, she begins to think that she will never see her passions through either.  But after some soul-searching and encouraging words from dear Toni, Lynn finishes her documentary and it makes a huge impact on the community.  Way to go, Lynn!

5. There's much more to intimacy than sex.  In one episode of Girlfriends, I was surprised to see a very intimate side of Lynn. In this particular episode, Lynn falls for a poet who is celibate.  While I believed that  Lynn would not be able to forge a relationship with someone without sex due to her past of sex without relationships, she fell for this man hard.  And instead of a sexual exchange, the two became spiritually connected by their love of art and poetic expression.  It was such a beautiful thing!

How did you feel about Lynn's character? 

Could you relate to her? 

Could you see yourself being friends with her?  Why or why not?

Thank you so much for all of your feedback on my posts about Joan, Maya, and Toni.  I see that many of you had very strong opinions about Toni in particular!  If you haven't gotten a chance to check out the other posts and their accompanying episodes, please click the links within the names and check them out.

In all, who is your favorite Girlfriend from the hit TV sitcom?  

What I Learned from Toni Childs

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Enter Toni: Toni Childs specializes in results (or at least that's what her slogan as a real estate agent suggests).  She is the best friend of Joan Clayton and self-proclaimed most fabulous girlfriend of them all.  She's vain, she's rude, and often a bit arrogant, but she does have a good heart.  Toni Child's lavish lifestyle may have transformed a lot from that of the girl she was growing up on the farm in Fresno, California, but she embraces her country roots.  It makes her day when her mom visits, cooking up pies and greens and her love for fried catfish was something serious!  No matter what wealthy man Toni was seeing or which sale she was hurrying to get to at Neiman Marcus, she was always, unapologetically, Toni Childs at the end of the day.

How I identify with Toni:  Like Toni, I appreciate the finer things in life. Toni feeds the "Champagne-Dreamer" in me.  Toni prides herself on living a life of fabulousness and lavishness at all costs.  Plus, she is such a diva! While I will NEVER go over my budget for fashion, I do enjoy indulging in a fab purchase every now and again.  I also share Toni's love of good down-home cooking, though I constantly complain about what it does to my figure.  We can't have it both ways, Toni (with the budget and the figure, that is)!

Below are five things I learned from Antoinette Marie Childs (Garrett) throughout the show's tenure:


1. Every now and again we must indulge in self: Toni Childs (Garrett) always took the time to indulge in self.  In fact, she was the only person she is ever seen truly indulging in!  While many may find that Toni was a bit too self-indulgent, I find that being your own cheerleader does has its benefits.  Though Toni may have appeared to be very confident and beyond narcissistic, her behavior seemed more like a defense mechanism to me.  She needed her fashions to feel authentic. She needed expensive hairstyles to feel beautiful. Anyone paying close enough attention could see these behaviors as masked insecurity. Perhaps this was Toni's way of compensating for her humble beginnings.  Either way, I say take it from Toni and be your own star player.  And if you don't feel like a star player, fake it until you make it! LOVE YOURSELF!

2. It will rain.  Marriages do not always make it to the happily ever after and children don't make spouses stick around:  During the latter seasons of Girlfriends, Toni began having problems with her then-husband Dr. Garrett.  They eventually divorced and went through a nasty custody battle.  Though I hated that the two divorced, I knew their relationship was doomed from the start.  During a break-up was when Toni found out she was pregnant in the first place, and she used this pregnancy to forge her way back into Dr. Garrett's life.  While they married soon after, they struggled through financial problems.  Toni longed for a knight-in-shining armor to give her a fairy-tale life and once Dr. Garrett's financial situation changed, so did Toni.  The moral of the story is: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS HAPPILY EVER AFTER unless you work diligently through the storms to make your fairy tale happen for you and your spouse.

3. We can't choose our family, but we can definitely choose our friends:  On many episodes, we heard Toni complain about her mother's alcoholism and how it deeply affected her childhood.  Though she complained about her mother and her sister she couldn't get along with, we could tell she loved them dearly.  And though she often thought of her group of girlfriends as family, they simply were not.  She depended on Joan more than she did her family when it came to her wedding and her custody battle. And both times Joan let her down.  The custody battle became the final straw in Toni and Joan's failing friendship and surprisingly Toni was the one that severed those ties.  It always seems way easier to forgive family than friends, doesn't it?

4. Money can't buy happiness:  Toni looked for happiness in each fashion she purchased and each high-end boutique she frequented.  But at the end of the day, no matter how much money she spent, she had problems with her man, her family, and her career just the same as the other women.

5. Everything that glitters ain't gold:  To further elaborate on #4, Toni seemed to do a good job of decorating a pretty package.  She always looked fabulous.  She always indulged in the finer things.  But she was often troubled within.  And even when she did not have the means to splurge, she continued to buy extravagant gifts for her friends just so they wouldn't think she was "broke".  Sooner or later they found out she was in financial trouble anyways when they ended up paying for her lunches when they went out.  Isn't that ironic?

How did you feel about Toni's character?

Could you relate to her?

Could you see yourself being friends with someone like her?  Why or why not?

Be sure to check the past posts about her fellow girlfriends Joan here and Maya here.

What I Learned From Maya Wilkes

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Enter Maya: Maya Wilkes is the quintessential girlfriend who keeps it "real."  You know, the girlfriend who will tell you that outfit isn't working for you, that shade of lipstick is all wrong, and that jerk you're dating is no good for you.  She was the one to tell you like it is, whether you liked it or not.  Maya started off as Joan's assistant, then William's assistant, and eventually pursued a career as an author.  She was all about handling her business, taking care of home, and doing what she had to do to make it.

How I identify with Maya:  Like Maya, I am also seen as the married mother (before Toni) among my friends.  Sometimes this has its advantages, other times it does not.  This means that while many of them were continuing their educations, I was building my family and tackling "the real world."  Once everyone has degrees and are ready to find Mr. Right, I am just finishing my education and entering into my career.  I also feel that I am quite sassy like Maya's character.  If I'm comfortable with you, I tend to speak my mind in a very colorful way!

Below are five things I learned from Maya Denise Wilkes throughout the show's tenure:

1.  We can rise above the labels society places on us.  We are more than statistics and stereotypes.  For much of the show's airing, we see Maya as the girlfriend of a lower tax-bracket.  She becomes a teen mom and marries her high-school sweetheart, two real-life situations that can cause one to be at a financial disadvantage.  Though she appears to be struggling her way through life in the beginning, we find Maya doing quite well by the show's closing.  She is a thriving author, her husband has his own business, and they own a lavish home in a beautiful upscale neighborhood.  

2.  Being a full-time worker, student, and parent is possible.  Though Maya was a devoted mother and wife, she was also a full-time student and legal assistant.  Though she appeared to often be stressed and overwhelmed, she held it together most of the time.  She was an active mother, and worked hard to pay her tuition (even when faced with having to repeat classes).  Maya was ambitious and determined to make a better life for herself and her son, Jabari.

3. SOMETIMES we can find love in our rearview and mend broken ties.  In the early seasons of Girlfriends, we find that high-school sweethearts Maya and Darnell begin to experience problems and separate.  During their time of separation, Maya spent time figuring out who she was as a person and what she wanted out of life.  While she dated others, Darnell became involved with another and became engaged.  In spite of their being apart and Darnell's new relationship, the two were able to salvage their own relationship and get back together!  I suppose true love does wait and gives second chances!

4. There's nothing wrong with "keepin' it real."  Never forget where you come from.  Though Maya's attitude may have been a little sassy and off-center for some, I loved it.  I admired the "homegirl" vibe she was giving. She wasn't ashamed of where she had come from or the mistakes she made in the past.  Instead, she used these things as her motivation.
5.  Sometimes you have to "hustle" your way to your dreams.  When Maya first penned her book Oh Hell Yes, she did not have a literary agent or publicist.  That did not stop her from selling her dream!  Maya even sold books from the trunk of her car, seen in an episode where she and her son Jabari hustled books on the street.  She also peddled books in her cousin Ronnie's hair salon.  This wise move gave Maya the popularity she needed to warrant her first big break.  How many of us are ambitious enough to do that?

How did you feel about Maya's character? Could you relate to her?  Could you see yourself being friends with someone like her?  Why or why not? Be sure to check the past post about her fellow girlfriend Joan here.

What I Learned from Joan Clayton

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Enter Joan: Joan Clayton was, in a sense, the leader in her group of girlfriends.  She was the glue that held each of these girls together.  She was also the bona-fide giver of the group. I remember her to be the one who gave her all to plan and execute memorable social gatherings for her friends, always having a corny game to break the ice during any event.  Though it seems she planned the best events and was a very successful attorney at the law firm, her love life was always in shambles. At least that's the one thing all of Joan's issues were perceived to stem from.  Joan's character made me wonder if a woman could be very successful at love and her career simultaneously.

How I identify with Joan:  Like Joan, I felt like I was the glue that held me and my group of friends together.  I loved throwing together a social gathering and I'm known to want to play a silly game others grow annoyed with.  I also believe I am practical like Joan.  I have a tendency to give the best advice when it comes to my friend's problems, but cannot seem to transfer that practical thinking into my own life.

Below are five things I learned from Joan Carol Clayton throughout the show's tenure:

1.  How to make (and break) a three-month rule:  In dating, Joan made a personal vow to abstain from sex for the first three months of a relationship.  There were times that Joan stuck to this rule and times she did not.  Either way, it was still an interesting concept.

2. Women can be very successful in a male-dominated career field:  Though women were a minority at the law firm where Joan worked (other than the assistants), Joan made her presence known.  Not only did she stand up for herself during tense situations, she also made partner early in her career.

3. It's okay to be the giver.  It's cool to be one who throws the parties, pays for dinners, and takes friends in.  But know when to draw the line:  Joan spent a lot of time catering to her friends.  She was a good person.  She took in Lynn, allowing her to live with her rent-free for a long time.  But sooner or later, Joan had to draw the line and ask Lynn to leave.  It's one thing to help a friend, and it's another to allow a friend to use you abuse your kindness.

4. It's never too late to start following your dreams, even if everyone thinks you're nuts for doing so:  Though Joan was a successful attorney, she was passionate about branching out to start her own business.  When she shared her dream of opening a Tapas bar, her friends thought she was delusional.  Her mother disagreed with her plans.  William, her co-worker and friend, supported her but doubted her ambitions.  This did not stop Joan from pursuing her passion.

5. It doesn't take long for today's "It Girl" to become yesterday's news:  In the later seasons of Girlfriends some roles were reversed.  Joan went from having trouble keeping a man to juggling two men at once.  Yes, she was feeling herself too much at this point!  So much so, that she neglected her best friend Toni when she needed her most.  Joan took her hand at being the fly by night, selfish, and self-absorbed one for a change and it blew up in her face.  At season's end, she lost not one but two men in the process. Her magazine cover feature was soon forgotten and her new found fame became nonexistent.

Were you a fan of Girlfriends?  If so, what did you learn from Joan's character?

An Ode to Girlfriends

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As many of who have been following me for a while may already know, I love Girlfriends.  Girlfriends may in fact be my most favorite show of all time.  In my years of tuning in to each and every episode at least three times during its run, I would like to say I'm a huge fan.

For starters, a show set in the new millennium that focused on the lives of women and their interactions with each other drew me in immediately.  For me, this was the best thing since Living Single! These four very different women, all from four different walks of life, shared such strong bonds. And even though Toni and Maya were my two favorites, I feel that I could relate to each one of them in a unique way. Joan was the nucleus of the group, holding everyone together. She was a perfectionist, and sometimes a nervous wreck. In those ways I was just like Joan. Then there's her best friend, Toni. Toni feeds the "Champagne-Dreamer" in me. Toni prides herself on living a life of fabulousness and lavishness at all costs. Plus, she is such a diva. Maya mirrors the writer in me and the "Aw Hell Nah" attitude I tend to catch if I'm not too careful about my surroundings. And Lynn, poor, lost Lynn. I feel like Lynn some days, especially with all the majors I've chosen during my time in college. Though she's quirky and such a moocher, I still love her spirit and presence. I fell in love with each of these girls, and William as well, over the course of the seasons.

As a way to show my love and appreciation for the show, I decided to put a series of posts together for you guys.  Following this post, on each Tuesday in March, I will be sharing a post highlighting things I have learned from each of the fabulous four Girlfriends.  Stay tuned for each of them!

Were you a fan of Girlfriends?  Who was your favorite?

NOTE: You can now check out the entire series by clicking each of the following links:

What I Learned from Joan Clayton

What I Learned from Maya Wilkes

What I Learned from Toni Childs

What I Learned from Lynn Searcy