Self-Love Saturdays | 20 Ways to Love on Yourself This Weekend

Some Saturdays are more eventful than others. Some Saturdays are filled with loads of fun and social activity to stimulate us on all levels. These Saturdays fuel us, filling our proverbial cups with the warmth, love, comradery, and excitement we need to sustain us. Then there are other Saturdays. The Saturdays in which we'd rather be left to our own devices. The week has drained us and we find ourselves depleted mentally, emotionally, physically, and maybe even spiritually. Maybe that Saturday feels like today for you.

Perhaps this week has been a rough one for you. Disappointment has hit you like a ton of bricks one too many times. Almost feels like the last blow made all the hurt flow in, nearly drowning you emotionally. It is times like these when we have to dial up our self-care so that we are able to love on ourselves a little more.

What is self-care?

According to the Oxford Dictionary, self-care is the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health. The keyword here is "practice," meaning it's something we must continuously and consistently do for our overall health. That includes mentally, spiritually, physically, socially and emotionally. 

But what is self-love, then? 

Self-love is a positive regard for yourself and a way to treat yourself with the same kindness and empathy you would show someone close to you. In short, it's the positive attitude towards self you must embody in order to practice self-care in the best way.

This is why self-care and self-love go hand in hand.

So how do we apply these things realistically?

While I try to make a habit to practice a bit of self-love each week, I sometimes forget. Life gets in the way. Deadlines take precedence. Items on the social calendar become obligations. And more often than I'd like to admit, and I'm sure others can agree, I forget to add myself to my to-do list. 

So, if you've found yourself at the bottom of your to-do list more times than you'd like lately, this post is for you. It's easy to experience burnout before we realize we haven't been pouring into ourselves. But all is not lost. If you're looking for ways to practice self-care today or this weekend (and beyond), look no further.

Below is a list of 20 practical ways one can show themselves a bit of love and appreciation.

Five Ways The Comparison Trap is Killing Your Self-Esteem

I've often heard the phrase "comparison is the thief of joy." And boy, does it ring true! How many times have you witnessed the act of comparison literally steal your joy right from up under your nose?

Ever found yourself mindlessly scrolling social media and came across someone in your feed doing something amazing? Perhaps they just got a promotion or landed the job of their dreams. Maybe they just purchased a brand new car or home.  They could have even started that business they've been working towards for quite some time. And while we feel pride and offer heartfelt congratulations when our closest friends accomplish goals, oftentimes, it causes us to reflect on our own lives. 

Whether it's associates, sworn enemies, or strangers we've only connected with online, we can undoubtedly find ourselves comparing our paths to others. And with the constant access to other people's presumably perfect lives unfolding daily on our social media scroll, it's hard not to. However, if you make a habit of doing this too often, you may have fallen into the comparison trap. This never-ending loop of negative thinking will delay any real progress towards your own personal goals and ruin your self-esteem in the process, if you're not careful. 

In this post we will discuss the ways in which the comparison trap is killing your self-esteem and how to reverse it!

How I Created a Morning Routine I Could Stick To

How do you start your day? We all want to put our best foot forward when it comes to having the most productive day possible. Some can't do it without a steaming, rich cup (or two) of coffee. Others can't do it without an early morning walk.

As much as I've tried to tweak my early morning routine, nothing motivated me to wake up early to do all the things. And no matter how much I've tried, mornings just weren't my jam when it came to being my most productive self.  My brain was in a scramble most days and I was often moving on autopilot. I knew I had to prepare at night for the next day, but even the preparation became a daunting task. I wanted to make my routine fun and not the monotonous adulting 101 to-do list that I dreaded. I needed to get excited about my mornings so that I could bring my best self out for them each day.

Recognizing this need made me consider the things that brought me joy and made me excited about starting the day. There wasn't some magic formula created by someone else that would trick me into suddenly becoming a morning person. But I could put routines in place that encourage and inspire me in my first waking moments each day. Check out how just a few small things make a world of difference in my mornings below.

Working in Progress: Improving While Embracing Self

When is the last time you took a moment to embrace all that is authentically YOU? When is the last time you took inventory of all that you are and, instead of making lists of things to improve, simply acknowledged yourself as you are? Maybe it was the day you decided to embrace that thigh gap or that gap between your teeth (raising my hand to both). Or perhaps it was the moment you realized your slow southern drawl wasn't going anywhere no matter how often you tried to polish your dialect (raises hand once again). Sometimes we get so caught up in improving ourselves that we forget to fully embrace the essence of our beings and our presence. In these times we have to get naked for a moment to rediscover ourselves and fall in love again. You know, fall in love with the self we are before the world starts convincing us we may need to alter and modify things.

How to Create an Inspiration Box

When is the last time you took inventory of your current goals and resolutions? I know it's been a while since I've talked about goals here on the blog. But now that we're already half-way through the year, I thought today would be a good time to speak on them again. I know everyone doesn't buy into the whole new year's resolution thing. However, I do believe everyone can benefit from writing down goals and checking progress on them as often as needed. That's why many of us create vision boards to keep us focused on them daily.

Remember on Instagram and Facebook when I told you guys I was inspired by this XO Necole article about the vision board alternative, the "create box?" Well instead of updating my vision board (which is actually a cork-board filled with pictures and affirmations), I enhanced it with a "create box" or as I like to call mine, an "inspiration box." I figured "inspiration box" would be more fitting because the images, quotes, and scriptures I have in mine inspire me to focus on my goals and purpose. Below, I will tell you how I made it.

7 Ways I Practice Self-Love Weekly

Dear Wonder Woman, how many hats are you currently wearing today? Are you the nurturer among your friends and family? Are you a mother, sister, wife, friend, confidante, employee, employer, and or entrepreneur? Chances are you have answered yes to several of these roles.  And as a woman who serves many roles in relation to others, you must make caring for YOU a top priority. A while back on the blog we discussed self-care and how important it is to have a self-care plan. But did you realize that a key component of your self-care plan involves self-love? The ways in which you practice self-love are a direct reflection on your emotional health and well-being.

So what is self-love, exactly?
Self-love is defined as the "regard for one's own well-being and happiness, chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic."

And why is it so important, again?
In order to be our best selves for those who need us most, we must take care of ourselves first. If you're running on empty, it's impossible to give a single thing to someone else.

As a WAHM, I sometimes catch myself slipping when it comes to making my emotional well-being a top priority. So for my sanity as well as my family's, I make sure to do these seven things each week to stay in-tune with self.

One Word 2016 | INTENTIONAL

What does "setting the tone for the new year" mean to you? Are you writing down goals for each month? Are you making vision boards to create the visual for the goals? Are you sharing your goals and ideas for personal development with supportive friends and family?

My Two Cents | Spreading Love

Hey ladies! In case no one else has told you today, I just wanted to take a moment to tell each and every one of you that you are beautiful--each and every one of you in your own individual ways. And each and every one of you are special. It doesn't matter what race or nationality you are, what your sexuality may be, or what age you are. I don't care if your hair is relaxed, texlaxed, natural, permed, weaved, or if you're bald-- you're beautiful. I don't care if you wear makeup or not, you're beautiful. Even if others criticize you for the ways you choose to wear your hair or how you apply your makeup. That's your prerogative.

Five Simple Ways To Start Living Fearlessly

If you are that risk-taking, challenge-accepting, daredevil who boldly embraces change and takes life by the horns, let me be the first to say I applaud you! I tip my hat to you all. However, this post may or may not be for you.

This post, is however, for folks like me. You know, those of us who may be just a little afraid to take that next big step. Those of us who are shaken by the thought of trying something new. Those of us who could be getting a lot further in life if we only had the nerve. Though I'm no cowardly lion, and I'm sure you're not either, it's probably evident that we both could use a push when it comes to living fearlessly. And since my main focus in 2014 is being fearless, I've decided to share with you guys my personal list-- the five ways in which I have began my fearless way of living. These are indeed small, yet very measurable tasks. Though I'm only a few months in, I'm already seeing a change in my way of living. Read on to catch the deets and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments!


1. Say yes. How many times have you prayed feverishly for better opportunities--only to turn them down once they come? I, for one, have been guilty of this on several occasions in the past. I've dismissed ideas of golden opportunities being mine, letting excuses and fear get in my way more times than I'm willing to admit. The fear of not being "prepared" had become my chief excuse. Even when asked out to social events and networking opportunities, I've given reasons such as not having a sitter or not being able to get there. But once those opportunities and invitations began running few and far in between, I wondered why I didn't get them more often. I was practically giving them away! So lately, I've been GOING. And trust me, when you want to get out and go somewhere you will find a way!

2. Go alone. This is a hard one for me. And I can imagine it may be a hard one for others as well. There's just something about braving uncharted territory alone that scares me. There's no familiar faces to share knowing smiles across the room with. There's no one to spark a quick conversation with to break the ice. Or is there?

After going to a few events solo, I can't believe I didn't start sooner! I was able to network with new people and it was much easier doing so alone. Always depending on someone to be my "wing man" can make me a bit too comfortable-- too comfortable to start conversations with others, too comfortable to speak out in the crowd during ice-breakers, and too comfortable to fully engage in the company of others around me. I will admit, it's still a task to get out there and go to events by myself. But it's a rewarding experience each time I do so, because I'm able to prove to myself that it can be done! It really helps to diminish the fear of being alone as well as the fear of the "unknown."

3. Meet new people  (or interact with the people we know in different ways). Now for me, this is one of the harder tasks. While I believe myself to be a rather friendly person, I find it hard to approach people I don't know. So I started by reaching out to people that I come in contact with on an everyday basis. I would compliment another woman attending the same event I was. I would ask other parents about possible extra-curricular activities I could sign my children up for. And since I'm a "new" parent in my children's school system, asking questions about the school, the area, and ways to get involved have really helped spark conversations among new people. I can even see a couple of new friendships forming between myself and other moms. And remember, even if you are a bit too shy to spark up a conversation with someone you don't know, a smile can go a long way. Simply smiling at a seemingly friendly person in the workplace, in class, or other place I frequented has been the start of many of my relationships to this day!

4. Do new things (or do everyday things differently). Now for the easy part--this may be the easiest task on the entire list. For this particular task, I sat down at my desk and created a neat little list. Well, what was supposed to be a little list, but became a lengthy master-list. I wrote down new restaurants I would like to dine at. Then I wrote down my favorite restaurants, along with items I had not tried on their menus. I wrote down places in my neighborhood I have yet to visit. I also wrote down three trades I want to master (which are also on my 30 by 30 list), and I added to that list three passions I have that I would love to perfect.  And just before I got carried away with creating this list (as I am a chronic list-maker), I gave myself a timeline to accomplish these things by. And ladies and gents, these are simple things that require little effort. They are large in the greater realm of things to me, because it shows me that I am capable of living outside of this proverbial box I keep cornering myself into.

5. Go new places (or see familiar places with fresh eyes). I will admit to you guys now that I've used the excuse of not having the resources, the funds, and/or the connections to travel too many times in the past. Little did I know that MY affirmation with MY words that I was unable to travel put a message out into the world. Therefore, I made myself unable to go out and see new things because I professed it. So one day, I decided to stop using my words to limit myself. Back when I first started making vision boards and planning vacations (whether I knew I could actually take them or not) I felt the power to believe. I began to envision myself visiting new places that I read about in books or magazines. And before long, I was taking flights and packing bathing suits! Though fear of the unknown threatened to "shut the party down" on more than a few occasions, I said my prayers, repeated 2 Timothy 1:7, and trusted that the Lord would take care of me wherever I ventured to. And he did!

Nowadays, however,  I don't get to travel too often---especially with the new baby. But I dare not speak that I CAN'T travel. I simply refer to that list I spoke of in #4 and find a new place to check out in my town or the next town over. Once I stepped out of the box and created new experiences for myself, I realized how confining it was to limit myself all this time!

In what ways do you practice living fearlessly? 

I would love to hear about them in the comments. 

Ideas, experiences, and words of encouragement 

are welcomed and greatly appreciated!

More Than a Woman: Meet Ciera Payton

Michael's Daughter. Actress. Mentor. New Orleans, Louisiana native. Each of these words can be used to describe the talented and beautifully spirited Ciera Payton. Most notably recognized for her Off-Broadway autobiographical production, "Michael's Daughter," Ciera Payton is an inspiration to young women everywhere. She embodies character, strength and resiliency, as she has defied the odds and is making a name for herself in the entertainment industry and the community.

INTRODUCTION TO CIERA PAYTON

Growing up in the Third Ward of New Orleans, Louisiana was not always a bed of roses for Ciera Payton. The loss of her grandmother to cancer and eventual incarceration of her father while she was a teen may seem like the beginning of a sad story, but becomes one of triumph for Ciera. With a love and passion for the arts, Ciera Payton was able to find a creative outlet in performance. Graduating from the New Orleans Center for the Creative Arts and the North Carolina School of the Arts, Ciera defied the odds stacked against her and earned opportunities to utilize her talents for good. Hoping to provide encouragement to other young women who share similar experiences, Ciera brings her story to the light in one-woman play "Michael's Daughter." 

Ciera Payton shines on the big screen as well. With roles in Spike Lee's "OldBoy," USA Network's "Graceland," and TNT's "The Closer" under her belt, Ciera can now be seen in the CBS sitcom "Bad Teacher" as well as Issa Rae's webseries "First." And when Ciera isn't filming, she can be found mentoring in her hometown, as she is the Associate Director of the program What Girls Know and has also partnered with Girls for a Change and Step Up Women's Network. It is so refreshing to see that Ciera Payton shares her passion with us all-through her play, her acting, her contributions, and her mentorship.

GETTING FAMILIAR WITH CIERA PAYTON

What inspired you to share your story with the world in your Off-Broadway production, "Michael's Daughter?"  When I first moved to Los Angeles from New York I came across a shoe box of letters--the prison letters my father had written to me over the years. To my surprise I forgot how encouraging, uplifting, and funny my dad was. I mean he’s in a tiny backwoods prison in the middle of nowhere in Louisiana, and he’s telling me keep my head up and stay positive?!?! In addition to his empowering letters, he shared an array of stories about his childhood and what impacted him to make the decisions that lead him to spending time behind bars. 

My father is a product of an interracial affair, which took place in the ’60s in rural Louisiana, and has memories of being confused as to why he wasn’t accepted among Blacks or Whites. His memories includes explicit racist encounters; all I could think is, “You can’t make this stuff up!” It’s raw, honest, personal, and just the makings of a unique story. I HAD TO SHARE IT! 

In what ways have the performing arts shaped you as a person? As a woman? How has the performing arts changed the lives of the young women you've mentored?  I started getting involved in the performing arts when I was in sixth grade. New Orleans is a city that prides itself on culture and creative expression. It’s in our music, our food, our accents, and our everyday way of life. So when I set out to speak up and allow myself to be seen and heard as child from the third ward neighborhood of New Orleans, it was invigorating! Being on stage and experiencing the feelings of accomplishment did that for me. I became confident, which has carried over to adulthood. As a woman, I know there are many people out there who relate to my story and who I am. This is why I have always felt it necessary to mentor young ladies and young men who too have come from underprivileged backgrounds. Sometimes it just takes one person to say, “I believe in you, you’re awesome, you can be anything you want to be.” Many young people don’t have that type of encouragement in their lives and they need it. They are the future. When I would do my work with What Girls Know it was amazing to see the growth in development in those young ladies. The first week, they’d come in arms crossed, quiet, unwilling to participate. By the end of our workshop, their light would shine so bright! It was truly amazing and inspiring.

I'm excited to see you have a role in the new CBS comedy "Bad Teacher." It was cool to see you in the "Evaluation Day" episode! What can we expect to see more of from your character? The show? I’m super excited about it, too! My résumé is filled with some amazing dramatic roles and I’ve been dying to do comedy! My character was originally meant to be in one episode, but something awesome happened and the producers invited me back for a few more and created a pretty cool storyline with David Alan Grier’s character. The series is hilarious and I know it’s going to be a hit! 

Your life's story is one of remarkable inspiration, triumph, and resiliency. Through everything, what has been your greatest source of strength?  Without a doubt I’m a spiritual person. I know there’s no way I would be where I am today without a higher power. I do a lot of praying, a LOT! Ha! Meditation helps me with balancing stress. And I know my grandparents are my guardian angels watching over me and protecting me.

Tell us more about your partnerships with Step Up Women's Network and Girls for a Change. Step Up Women’s Network (SUWN) and Girls For a Change (GFC) are two amazing organizations. I’m truly impressed and inspired by all of the hard work of Angela Patton (GFC), Kaye Popofsky Kramer (SUWN) and Alyssa Zito (SUWN). Making a change to empower and uplift youth is no easy task. I tip my hat to those ladies and the staff members at both organizations. They put in long hours with limited budgets and truly work from the heart. I’m fortunate and honored to mentor the participants. My participation is only a tiny grain in the sand in comparison to what those ladies have achieved with their organizations. I’m just thankful that I’m able to help and be a role model for the youth participants. 

As a woman who will be turning the big 3-0 next year, I am motivated by your hard work and altruism. You have accomplished so much as an actress and mentor thus far! Are you where you imagined yourself to be at 28?  Where would you like to see yourself by age 30? Oh noooo! Please don’t remind me, ha! I made a pact to myself a few years ago that I wouldn't mark off “where I want to be in x amount of years.” I’m consistently bombarded with bright and bold ideas in my mind and have so often pressured myself to get those things done by a certain age. When I didn't accomplish those things by said age, I would get really hard on myself, hence feeling like a failure. With that said, I knew that where I am now would get me closer to my dreams. As I got older, I knew in order to get there, I had to drop the baggage that was dragging me or blocking me from achieving my goals. So yes, in my future, I am projecting that I will be among the Hollywood elite and on the short list of the top ten Hollywood A-List Actors. I imagine myself having a strong dynamic career in which I have the pleasure of telling fascinating stories and giving life to a plethora of characters. I want a family and solid relationship with someone who loves and accepts me for who I am. All of the above is what I want and I am confident I will get there. If these things happen by 30, that would be amazing-- but I know it’s all in God’s time. 

If you could go back to give your teenage self one bit of advice, what would it be? What advice would you give to younger girls reading this who are experiencing similar situations as you have? I would tell myself to keep working hard, but child come up for air and have fun every once in a while! Life ain’t always so serious! Things can be bad, but that’s the beauty of life. You have ups and downs. Your resiliency is how you handle them both. 

To the younger girls reading this now, as hard as it is to do, know that everything will work out. If it doesn't seem that way now, know and believe it will! And please understand that the adults around you now were once your age. They too are human and nobody’s perfect. It’s life and we all have to live it. Treat yourself good and go for your dreams! 

In what ways can others help empower the youth? Do you have any suggestions on how to extend this help throughout our own communities as well as other parts of the country? There are so many non-profits sprinkled throughout this country. Research the ones in your community and donate your time. Stay committed. Most of the time children of underprivileged backgrounds are used to people coming in and out of their lives. Showing up one day and never coming back doesn't display a sense of commitment or responsibility. Make it a point to get involved monthly or quarterly. If that isn't possible, find out what those organizations need and figure out how you can help. Financial donations are always a big way to help. And try to keep in touch with the kids you've mentored. Send them cool postcards, write on their Facebook wall. Check in every once in a while. Let them know they are important.

I thank Ciera Payton kindly for the inspiration she has given me and my readers with this interview. To keep posted on all things Ciera, be sure to check her out on Twitter (@CieraPayton) and Instagram (@cierapayton.) Please stay tuned to the CBS sitcom "Bad Teacher" to see how things develop with her and actor David Alan Grier! And be on the lookout for her indie feature Film Respect the Jux which will be theatrically released at the end of the year.

May's Wishes

Hey guys, I'm back! Did you all miss me? I know it's been a while, and for that I do apologize. I've really missed you all and hope to get all caught up in the blogosphere soon!

Since I left off with a weekly wishes post, and May is a very special month for me, I decided to share my monthly wishes with you as well.

1. Do something special for my birthday. I don't have any major plans for my birthday this year and haven't for the last couple of years. And I'm not trying to do anything big this year, but I do hope to celebrate in some way or another with my favorite people. I've been working on my 30 by 30 list steadily as well, so I hope to have a few more items crossed off my list by my prelude to 30 at the end of the month.

2. Work on fitness as a family unit. Trying to eat healthy seems to be a struggle around my home. For years I have been making a variation of two different meals (per night) as my husband and I don't like the same foods. And now that I'm attempting to eat healthier, it's harder to get creative with meals and still appease my husband and children. I hope to overcome this challenge by the end of this month because I have no plans on increasing my grocery budget. Any tips, ladies and gents?

3. Have "girl's night" each week with Gabs. We recently grabbed up this cute little book by the American Girl series called "Just Mom & Me" that contains some of the coolest activities for girls to do with their moms. Though we've done a few of the activities, I want to get a little more routine with our quality time spent together. With my oldest son involved in sports this season and Jj getting most of the attention around the house, it's imperative that I make sure I carve in special time for just me and baby girl.

4. Spend quality time with my girlfriends. Life gets overwhelming sometimes. And sometimes it sucks because I feel like I don't have an outlet from my family life. I really could use a few lunch dates and girl talks this month.  I really miss my girls.

5. Make (more)  pretty things. Thanks to Pinterest and Youtube, I've been on a creative kick lately. I can't wait to share with you all some of the things I've been making. And to keep my creative momentum rolling, I'm making a commitment to create at least one pretty thing each week.

6. Plan a vacation. It's always fun to plan a vacation for the family, even if I have no clue when we will be able to take one. I'm hoping we will be able to tackle at least one weekend getaway for the early summer.

7. Create a "self-care" plan. Sometimes when we take on a lot, carry on a lot of responsibilities, and make it our mission to make everyone around us happy, we often forget to make sure we are at 100%. Back in my SW days at UNCW, we did self-care check-ins each week. We told our field instructors at least one thing we did for ourselves during the week prior to meeting. I'm making a point to do something each week and for accountability purposes, I might even share a bit about them here on the blog, on my FB page, or over on Insta.

And a brief update about last month's wishes:

I can honestly say I've accomplished each of the wishes. Well, sorta. In April, I hoped to get my blogging life together. That resulted in an unplanned blogging break. I needed to be centered and focused with a few personal things going on with me, so blogging took an unexpected backseat. However, I have been writing almost everyday, whether it's been a poem, a prayer, or a brief anecdote. I learned that I never really lost my inspiration to write last month, I just became so overwhelmed in other areas that I could not focus on completing anything.

With the help of a fitness challenge between J and I along with YouTube (namely BeFit, Blogilates, and Tiffany Rothe), I've also been exercising regularly. My goal is to get some activity in daily and gain a partner (or support group) by my birthday.

The children have really enjoyed spending time with God daily, and have even made a habit of getting in devotion time nightly thanks to these books.

I've done a lot of spring cleaning literally and figuratively and am now making strides to throw out 50 things each week, so that I don't get bogged down with that much clutter ever again.

And I've been reading some great books lately, too. Be on the lookout for a post about them soon!

What are some things you wish to accomplish this week? 

This month?

Tell me all about them in the comments! 

Some Days Insecurity Wins

Sometimes I want to be bold.  I want to sing all of my favorite songs to the top of my lungs in public, but I fear being seen as strange.  I want to wear purple, pink, green, and leopard print simultaneously, with obnoxiously huge white sunglasses most days of the week.   But again, the fear thing.. It hits me.  I dream of painting my living room cerulean blue, which is one of my favorite hues, but I imagine my husband will detest the choice of shade and question my lack of experience with interior design.  So there goes another brilliant idea.  Just the other day I concocted an interesting recipe of my favorite food items.  You know, the usual. Salmon, spinach, parmesan cheese, chili powder, garlic.. Yes, loads of garlic.  Wait, maybe I should discard the high dose of garlic.  But mid-way through preparation, I realized I would be the only one to enjoy it. Who would really want to eat it besides me?  I thought it over and decided to save my groceries.

I grew tired of my hair and made plans to cut it again. I'd even picked out a shockingly rude shade of red to dye it and everything.  I felt liberated by the thought of not having to fuss over it so much daily.  I grew excited knowing that I would have more time for makeup application if I just did away with the hair.  But then the practical side of me just knew co-workers and classmates would not appreciate such loud hair. They would never understand the struggle I go through dealing with our society's standards of beauty.  So I played it safe, got a full Remy install, and promised myself I'd do a short red weave on my hair at a later date.

I fell in love with a cute red bandage dress when I was out shopping the other day.  I looked in the mirror and loved the way it hugged my curves.  Before I decided to purchase it, I stepped out of the single fitting room and into the full length mirrors in the center of the fitting section.  The stares of horror from the other women made me feel like I made the wrong decision.  So I put it back on the rack, shamefully.

On my best day, I am that lady who will tell you I don't care what anyone thinks of me.  I make my own rules, set my own trends, and sing and dance to whatever the heck I want.  But sometimes, just sometimes, I'm attacked by my insecurities.  I hope that my personal best aligns with my parents' ideas of what my personal best may be.  I hope that the things I do for my friends are to their liking.  I hope that my husband is truly satisfied with our marriage.  I pray that I am being the best mommy I can be for my children.  It does hurt my feelings when people don't like me "just because".  I do get offended when people say I'm too sensitive.  But that's just who I am.

Do any of you feel just like this sometimes?

from the archives: October 2011

2013 in Review + Intro to 2014

I really meant to have this post together before now. It is currently the dawn of a new day and year, as 2014 is upon us! I'm so thankful to be here still rocking with you all. 2013 was a great year, full of discovery and surprises. Though I've had a few misses, I can still say that 2013 was good to me. As a way of charting my progress and gearing up for 2014, I am doing Rosetta Thurman's Annual Review (courtesy of Happy Black Woman) for the second time.  It has been quite helpful to me, so I wanted to share my review in hopes that you may want to do the same.

What I Want to Remember About 2013 

What was the most valuable lesson I learned this year? This year, I really learned how to trust the Lord in all things. When I found out hubby and I were pregnant with baby #3, I was so unprepared. I wondered and worried about how that would change our family dynamic. God showed up and showed me that if I trusted Him, He would make a way for my husband and I to provide for our growing family. Throughout my pregnancy, we experienced quite a few challenges. But God interceded, made a way out of no way, and blessed us with a healthy baby boy, among other things. I'm just in awe of how amazing He has been to us.

What was the best book and/or movie I discovered this year? Reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz was such an eye-opening experience for me. It was about more that reading a few lines and vowing to live by their precepts. It invited me to a new way of thinking. I saw how making assumptions and taking things personally have caused me to make damaging decisions in the past. It has also encouraged me to be impeccable with my word (whether it be spoken or written) and to always do my personal best. Everyone should read it!

The Best Man Holiday has been the movie of the year for me. Watching the cast members grow from their 1999 roles to deal with matters of the heart, experiencing ups & downs in their careers, and terminal illness really made me pay attention to the things going on within me and in the lives of those around me. Seeing The Best Man Holiday was like a call to action for me. I needed to understand that for every peak we hit in life, valleys will also come. Nothing is constant. Seasons change in every aspect, including friendships. No one is ever too immersed in "living" that they shouldn't reach out and connect with someone. You'll never know how much they need you or how much you need them if you don't. I learned many of these lessons the hard way this year, so this movie was a very emotional one for me. It was something I really needed to see illustrated though. It did my heart good.

What was the biggest personal milestone I reached this year? I think I've matured a lot as a wife this year. Though I've spent the last ten years of my life in love with J and the last 2 years married to him, I believe that this year has been more essential to our growth as a couple than others. We've seen some stressful times this year. But finding my place in my marriage, being secure as his wife, and most importantly consulting God and praying for my marriage have really kept things moving smoothly around here. I've been known to crack under pressure when dealing with a lot of things, but with this-- I've vowed to hold this spot down until death do us part. And I will :)

 What I Want to Leave Behind As I Enter 2014 

Which goals did I make the least progress on this year? 2013 was supposed to be the year of networking and connecting with other creatives, bloggers, and people with whom I shared similar interests. When finding out I was having a baby, I used that as an excuse to become stagnant. I didn't go out and network as much as I wanted to, nor did I take the opportunities to cultivate my interests into something greater. I broke those promises to myself, so I will definitely have to make amends. I owe myself that much.

What did I do in 2013, if anything, that was out of alignment with my values? It's not necessarily what I did in 2013 that wasn't in alignment with my values. It's more of what I didn't do. I value community and family immensely. However, I didn't really do anything in 2013 to uplift or further build my "back yard" in ways that I know I can. I've been presented with a couple of opportunities recently, so I'm hoping to work closer with my "back yard" and really make a difference with my family and community.

Gabs and J at Relay for Life 2013

What I Want to Bring Into My Life in 2014

What do you deserve more of in 2014? In 2014, I believe I deserve more romance, date nights, lunch dates with friends, and weekend getaways with my family. I deserve to allow abundance and opportunity to pour into and envelope me. 

My brother + my babies during the holidays

What personal milestone(s) do you most want to reach this year in your relationships, health, family, finances, education and/or lifestyle?  I would bore you guys with resolutions like losing weight, eating healthier, spending more time with family + friends, and saving money, but I'm not. While I do want to do all those things, I feel that they are things I've been working on constantly. For a change, I want to be more adventurous in 2014. I'm going to be bold and ask for things, even if I'm afraid the answer may be know. I'm going to dive in and do things I'm terrified of doing. I'M GOING TO EMBRACE FEAR, DANCE WITH IT, AND DEFY IT. Period.

What professional accomplishments (at work or in your business) do you want to see for yourself this year? I don't want to share too much here and jinx the whole operation, so I will tell you all to stay tuned. I have some high hopes and hopefully, I will see some fruits of my laboring this year :)

What do you want to learn in 2014? I STILL want to learn to sew. Now I realize I've known a stellar instructor all along, so I can soon make this a reality!

What do you want to cross off of your bucket list in 2014? I want to cross off wearing a bikini to the beach, starting a vlog, and taking a pole fitness class (don't judge me lol).

What I Want My Blog to Look Like in 2014

I can't wait to share more with you guys this year. I embrace the opportunity to continue getting to know many of you! In the past, I've shared interests in music, thrifting, beauty and style here. This year, I hope to further engage you guys in all of these subjects even more. I plan to also share more about my family life, as I mentioned in prior posts. I feel such a joy in blogging, especially when I'm blogging about things that I'm passionate about. So while I want to share things that you guys enjoy reading, I must first make sure that these things are in alignment with my passions. 

I like to keep things easy breezy around here, but from time to time I may want to vent or beat my laptop to my heart's content about whatever is going on around me. Don't worry-- I won't turn the blog into Dear Diary or anything. I just hope you guys continue to rock with me through the good, the bad, and the ugly, should it come. I appreciate you all so much for continuing to read, comment, and engage with me here and on other social networks. I'm also very grateful for those of you who are new subscribers and liked what you saw here enough to continue on this journey with me. Stay tuned for the upcoming YouTube channel, too! 

Thanks for rocking with me in 2013 and still rocking with me in 2014! Y'all could have done anything in the world today, but you're taking a few minutes to mix it up with me. And I appreciate y'all for it! 

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Letting It Shine!

If you guys saw my last "life" update, you know that I was experiencing a bit of frustration.  My friends were disappearing, I was confused about what I wanted to do in life, and I was feeling so unaccomplished.  But as always, with a wing an a prayer (and some kind words from one of my fellow bloggers ;-) I slowly began to bounce back.  Getting myself out of the dumps about things meant understanding that everyone has setbacks.  I myself was no stranger to unfulfilled plans and goals.  But this is something that happens to any and everyone struggling to make a fabulous life for themselves.

Instead of dwelling on the things I have yet to accomplish, I started looking at the things I have committed to and completed.  I also commended myself for actually creating a plan for myself and trying my hardest to find ways to make a better life for me and my family.  I am also a good friend, daughter, sister, wife, mother, student, employee, and mentor.  That in and of itself deserves a pat on the back.

Looking at the positives is something I should already be accustomed to, as my training in Solution-Focused Therapy suggests that positive self talk gets us back to our "happy place."  However, advice we learn and know are not always easy to apply to our own lives.  But when the light-bulb finally came on, I started re-evaluating my life and all the wonderful things about it.

I also started enjoying my own company.  I had lunch by myself, got spa treatment by myself, and enjoyed a couple of quiet afternoons alone with some smooth neo-soul music.  This helped me to see that I was spending too much time beating myself up, as opposed to nurturing myself and taking care of me-spiritually, physically, and emotionally.  Now I'm back at it with working out and taking time to do a few self-care check-ins as often as I can.

Most importantly, I have come to realize that I have to let this ambition, passion, and driven spirit within me shine more.  When I see other people accomplishing goals that I have yet to attain, I have a tendency to shrink like a flower, as if I am measuring my success by someone else's.  I have to stop worrying about what others think about my progress and focus more on progressing in general.  I can either allow negative comments from so-called friends and family members to knock me down, or allow them to see the "in it to win it" spirit within that has helped me to progress this far. 

The words from one of my favorite songs "Shine" by Laura Izibor illustrates my emotions almost exactly.  I decided not to let my life go to waste trying to measure up to people's expectations or to live life on autopilot, letting all the "good times" happen to other people.  It's time that I let the light inside of me shine, not for others, but for me!

from the archives 

May 2011

My Vision Board + Goals for 2013

One of the main things we all do when the new year kicks in is set resolutions and goals for ourselves. Many of us are able to stick to a few of them, while others of us-- not so much.  And because of the latter, I'm not big on making new year's resolutions in the traditional sense.  

I realized with failed attempt after failed attempt to achieve my annual resolutions that perhaps I was going about the whole process wrong.  I wanted to set goals for myself, but I was growing tired of setting myself up for failure each time.  And that's when it hit me:  If I broke each of my goals down into small measurable tasks that could be completed monthly, weekly, or even daily, I could finally start achieving some goals and be on my way to my dream life sooner than imagined! Taking part in Happy Black Woman's 31 Days to Reset Your Life Program in the past and just recently in KimberlyLuxe's Life Reset have aided me in doing just that-- setting goals and crossing off accomplishments at a comfortable pace. And with the help of these two programs I was able to embark on a new journey of self-improvement with a renewed sense of confidence.

Why I Created a Vision Board

During the 31 Day Reset over at Happy Black Woman in 2011, Rosetta prompted us to create vision boards.  This board would be instrumental in helping us focus on our goals through visualization.  By being able to "see" our goals daily, in the form of images and words displayed on our boards, we would have no other choice but to remain focused on them!  We were also using the law of attraction, attracting those things we focus on in the board, to ourselves. In essence, creating a vision board was like making a road-map to my dreams.  All I had to do to get started on the journey was to lay the groundwork by creating the board.  Little did I know that it would be so helpful! With proper planning, focus, and prayer I saw many of the things on my board manifest my life.  And because creating my first vision board had proven so successful, I decided to make one each year or after each life-change.

How I Created the Vision Board

My vision board is made up of two components:  I have a cork board decorated with visuals as well as notebooks with the visions glued and taped to them.  I took the time to make note of my goals first.  A few of them were:

• Spending quality, uninterrupted time with my husband and children daily
• Devoting 30-45 minutes daily to exercise
• Reading at least 100 books in 2013
• Networking with other bloggers and hosting my own blogger event
• Contributing to and coordinating at least 3 community outreach efforts in my hometown
• Saving a portion of my income monthly for home ownership

After I took note of my goals, I searched through several magazines looking for images and words that aligned with those goals.  This was, perhaps, the most time-consuming part of creating the vision board. When I felt I had more than enough images, I started placing them on my boards and books with pins and glue.

How I Plan to Use My Vision Board

The most exciting aspect of creating my vision board this year was knowing I will have accountability partners.  Last month, I (along with several other women) signed up for the 2013 Vision Board Challenge hosted by the Regal Realness website.  In joining, not only did we create vision boards, we will also be completing monthly tasks for the rest of the year to keep us focused on our vision.  Isn't that cool?  I've also planned to help a few of my family members and friends create boards so that we can cheer each other along in our efforts.

Have any of you created a vision board for the year?  

Tell me all about it in the comments!

Reflections: 2012 in Review

Alas, ladies and gentlemen. 2013 is only a few nights away and at this moment I am reflecting on how much I have learned and grown this year.  I've had some hits, some misses, and made some moves in which I still await a verdict.  All in all, I can say that 2012 has been very good to me.  As a way of charting my progress and preparing myself for the upcoming year, I decided to do Rosetta Thurman's Annual Review (courtesy of Happy Black Woman).  It has been very helpful to me, so I would like to share my review with you guys in hopes that you will do this review for yourselves also.  I will warn you in advance-- it's a lengthy read so bear with me!

What I Want to Remember About 2012

What was the most valuable lesson you learned this year?  Spread love as much as you can and as often as you can.  I don't always have the means to give as much as I would like to financially, but as long as I'm breathing, I always have the ability to love. Being able to show love to another is such an underrated experience.  In turn, I don't know what I would do without the love I've received from my closest friends, family, and even complete strangers.  Love is what really keeps us alive.

What professional accomplishments (at work or in your business) were you most proud of this year? I am most proud that I now have a sponsor here! Stay tuned as I will share more about this next month.

What was your favorite family/friends moment from 2012?  My favorite family/friends moment from 2012 was definitely my grandfather's birthday party.  My grandfather is a warm, loving, wise, and highly respected man in the community and it warmed my heart to see so many people come out to celebrate his life.  The conversations, hugs, and pleasantries shared among family and friends combined with good eating and music made for an awesome day.  My grandma even smiled long enough to take pictures :)  It was a beautiful thing to know our family was able to come together and share love for my grandfather in a big way, as he is getting up in age.  And he was overwhelmed with joy!

What was the best book/blog/song/movie/restaurant/city/country/etc. you discovered this year?

Book:  the first that comes to mind is Farther Than I Meant To Go, Longer Than I Meant To Stay by Tiffany Warren. It's a book I read via the FWB Book Club.  I learned so much about being patient, waiting on the Lord, and consulting Him in all areas of my life from this read. 

Blog: I have fallen in love with Christa all because of her blog, Inspired by Beatrice Clay.  When I joined Bloggers Like Me, her blog is one of the first I came across.  Her words were so inspiring, her thoughts were so insightful, and her challenges always motivated me to do better. Please be sure to check out the blog and tell her I sent ya over there! 

Song: To ask me to choose one song for the year is like offering me one chip from an entire can of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles. This is a difficult task!  The ratchet side of me wants to say Cashin' Out by Cash Out because it has played a million times in my car this year lol.  And the romantic side of me wants to say Adorn by  Miguel for the same reason. But if I had to choose a theme song for the year I would have to say Stand Up by Jessie J.

Movie:  The Perks of Being a Wallflower was one of my favorite movies of the year. Note I did not say Avengers (mainly because I've raved about it so much this year already!). Please check it out if you haven't already. 

What I Want to Leave Behind As I Enter 2013

Which personal development area(s) did you make the LEAST progress on this year: health, finances, education, relationships, family, work and/or lifestyle?  I have made the least progress in my health goals this year.  I need to start going to the doctor more often.  The belief that I can concoct something at home that can make me feel brand new is not as true as I once thought.  I've never had high blood pressure before this year, so that is the first indicator that I need to take better care of my health.  I also need to take my physical fitness goals more seriously.  (Anyone in the area in need of a workout partner?  I am so serious!)

What promises (to yourself or others) did you break in 2012? In 2012, I vowed to spend more time with my friends and put more effort into making more connections. Needless to say, I didn't do as much of either as I would have liked.  I have a tendency to retreat to my own personal space when I'm going through things.  Instead of seeking comfort and solace from friends, I tend to push them away and keep to myself.  From now on (starting tonight and not waiting until 2013) I will make more of an effort to nurture my friendships, reach out to my friends, and be there for them when they need me.  I'm for real this time.  I will also step out of my comfort zone and try my hardest to meet new people in my area by attending more events and accepting more invitations.  

What arguments/gossip/hurtful comments, if any, did you participate in or make this year that you wish you could take back and/or apologize for? I haven't had any heated arguments with anyone that I can recall (as I tend to avoid conflict as much as possible), but I have had issues with individuals that took place back in 2011 that as of tonight have still been unresolved.  Sometimes, I wish the whole ordeal would have never taken place, but when I look back at everything I realize it was inevitable.  The only thing that bothers me about the situation is it has affected relationships with my family and it has affected by ability to trust others.  I wish I knew how to resolve it, but for now I don't.  

What opportunities, if any, did you miss out on in 2012 because of fear or procrastination? Fear has placed so many roadblocks in my life. So much so, that I may have to address that at another time in another way. This year it has prevented me from sharing my true feelings with others, taking chances, and making changes I know are necessary for my growth.  With God's help, I know I can move past the fear though. Keep me in your prayers, guys.

What I Want to Bring Into My Life in 2013

What do you deserve more of next year? What do you deserve less of next year? In 2013, I believe I deserve more love.  I will allow more love and happiness to pour into my life. I deserve less disappointment, dishonesty, and negativity.

What personal milestone(s) do you most want to reach this year in your relationships, health, family, finances, education and/or lifestyle?  This upcoming year, I wish to spend more quality time with my husband and children, visit the doctor and exercise more often, make better financial choices that will better benefit my children, add another skill set/diploma/certificate and degree to my resume', and spend more time connecting with others.

What professional accomplishments (at work or in your business) do you want to see for yourself this year? I would love to have a functioning work from home business, get started with my freelance MUA efforts, and to assist my daughter with her ambitions of starting a jewelry line.

What do you want to learn in 2013? I want to learn to sew!

What do you want to cross off of your bucket list in 2013? I want to cross visiting Las Vegas and meeting three of my blogger besties in my head off my bucket list in 2013.

What I Want My Life to Look Like in 2013

What part of your life do you want to pay more attention to in 2013?   I want to pay more attention to my family life in 2013.  Of course, I have professional and personal goals for myself, but I want to put more effort into building and strengthening my family. 

Who do you want to spend more time with in 2013? I want to spend more time with my friends in 2013.  I hate that my closest friends live so far away, as our time spent together is quite limited.  But I have no problem hopping on a plane so I can look in their faces more often this year!  I also have special people in my life that live less than an hour's drive from me that I hope to make more great memories with next year as well. 

Which activities, habits or behaviors, if any, do you want to stop doing in 2013 because they are no longer in alignment with your values?   As I mentioned before, I have a habit of retreating to self.  I spend more time alone than I probably should.  And this is something that has only started happening within the last two years.  I would love to be more social and less introverted, so I have to stop this behavior.

Which activities do you want to start and/or continue doing in 2013?  I want to spend more time enjoying my city this year.  I've been living here for a few years now, and have only recently started enjoying all that the city has to offer.  I also would like to visit other landmarks besides the beach.  Perhaps I could plan another trip to the mountains soon!  All in all, I want to see some new stuff!

Have you taken the time to reflect on all that has taken place, all you have accomplished, and things that didn't go as you liked in 2012?  

Guest Post: Hit The Delete Button

The other day I was watching Joel Osteen on television and he was talking about deleting negative things people may say about us. A lot of times we accept negative criticism that people say to us like, “you're never going to amount to anything in life" or "you’re never going to be the person you think you are going to be when you grow up (doctor, lawyer, etc.).”  When people keep talking about us negatively and we listen, we start believing it. We start saying to ourselves, "I will never ever be able to do that." "I don’t have the capability to do that at my skill level." Now we’re so deep in our own negative thoughts that down the line we won't be able to accomplish the things God has called for us to do.

Instead of internalizing negative comments from others, we need to delete them. How, might you ask? By telling yourself just the opposite. Say to yourself, "I will be that [doctor or lawyer] when I grow up." "I do have the skills required to land the job I desire." Never give up when you’re trying to reach your goals. 

When people say "no," never give up and keep pushing towards that yes. I think about Abraham Lincoln, when he kept pushing towards his dreams. He never gave up despite the failures he kept running into. He would eventually accomplish his dream of becoming president. I bet when he was failing, people probably said, you need to stop embarrassing yourself and quit already. He never saw himself failing, just getting better until he reached perfection. That’s how we need to see it in our own eyes, that we’re not failing-- just getting better and better every day to get closer to our dreams. 

The key points from this message are:

❤  Don’t accept negative comments from others

❤  Don’t you start thinking negative about yourself

❤ Start deleting negative criticism and start thinking positive about yourself and dreams

❤ You’re not failing, you’re just getting better and better everyday

Even though it might be hard to put negative comments behind you, please try and just ask God to help you. I hate to see people throw away their dreams, based on what others say about them. Don’t allow them to have their victory.  Prove them wrong and ask God to guide you towards your dreams.

How do you combat negativity from others?

Guest Post Written by Shanay Worthy of

www.myuniquegirlz.blogspot.com