10 Ways to Have a Better Day

Woke up this morning in a rut? Spent the last few weeks feeling like "blah?" If this sounds like you, please know that you are not alone. From time to time, I find myself looking for new ways to pull myself out of a funk. And though I haven't found a way of "getting to happy" in an instant, I have found a few ways to make myself feel better with little to no effort. Continue reading after the jump to check out ten ways I find happiness throughout my day.

Letting It Shine!

If you guys saw my last "life" update, you know that I was experiencing a bit of frustration.  My friends were disappearing, I was confused about what I wanted to do in life, and I was feeling so unaccomplished.  But as always, with a wing an a prayer (and some kind words from one of my fellow bloggers ;-) I slowly began to bounce back.  Getting myself out of the dumps about things meant understanding that everyone has setbacks.  I myself was no stranger to unfulfilled plans and goals.  But this is something that happens to any and everyone struggling to make a fabulous life for themselves.

Instead of dwelling on the things I have yet to accomplish, I started looking at the things I have committed to and completed.  I also commended myself for actually creating a plan for myself and trying my hardest to find ways to make a better life for me and my family.  I am also a good friend, daughter, sister, wife, mother, student, employee, and mentor.  That in and of itself deserves a pat on the back.

Looking at the positives is something I should already be accustomed to, as my training in Solution-Focused Therapy suggests that positive self talk gets us back to our "happy place."  However, advice we learn and know are not always easy to apply to our own lives.  But when the light-bulb finally came on, I started re-evaluating my life and all the wonderful things about it.

I also started enjoying my own company.  I had lunch by myself, got spa treatment by myself, and enjoyed a couple of quiet afternoons alone with some smooth neo-soul music.  This helped me to see that I was spending too much time beating myself up, as opposed to nurturing myself and taking care of me-spiritually, physically, and emotionally.  Now I'm back at it with working out and taking time to do a few self-care check-ins as often as I can.

Most importantly, I have come to realize that I have to let this ambition, passion, and driven spirit within me shine more.  When I see other people accomplishing goals that I have yet to attain, I have a tendency to shrink like a flower, as if I am measuring my success by someone else's.  I have to stop worrying about what others think about my progress and focus more on progressing in general.  I can either allow negative comments from so-called friends and family members to knock me down, or allow them to see the "in it to win it" spirit within that has helped me to progress this far. 

The words from one of my favorite songs "Shine" by Laura Izibor illustrates my emotions almost exactly.  I decided not to let my life go to waste trying to measure up to people's expectations or to live life on autopilot, letting all the "good times" happen to other people.  It's time that I let the light inside of me shine, not for others, but for me!

from the archives 

May 2011

Word to the Wise: Pack Light! (Repost)

Today as I listen to Miss Erykah Badu's "Bag Lady" I am reminded yet again that I must let some things go. Every time I think I have my life in order and that I'm traveling through the universe at a pleasurable pace, my "backpack" starts to get a little heavier.  I don't know if I'm picking up things I don't need in my journey without taking time to discard undesirables or if I'm beginning to make a habit of collecting stray items.  Relationships that just aren't working, books I no longer care to read, situations I should have left well enough alone, and negative stress from home/school/family/friends seem to wind up in my backpack over and over.

One habit I must learn to break is putting this mess in my bag to begin with.  Immediately (at least by now) I should be able to tell if something will benefit me, will hinder me from attaining my goal, or has no bearing on my life.  Things that don't concern me should not be stressing me to no end.  I cannot save the world.   It will burn me out if I keep trying.  Things that are stunting my growth and progression should be avoided as well.  Only the things that make me happy are going in my bag from now on.  And if ever I should need a reminder, I will remember Miss Erykah's famous words: PACK LIGHT!




Do any of you ever feel this way?  What do you do to keep your "load" light?

**photo courtesy of Shay Mitchell**

My Two Cents: Why We Should Forgive

I have been dealing with an issue for quite some time now involving forgiveness.  I've been dealing with hurt caused by a loved one's actions (or lack thereof) for way too long, so I've made a proactive choice to stop dealing with it.  Every now and again I don't mind getting in my feelings on the blog, but this one will take some time to discuss further.  But I will share with you guys that I have decided to let the hurt go and forgive that person.  

Some people may think I'm crazy for letting it go and discarding the animosity I have for the person go.  But it's time to move on with my life and get rid of the baggage that being upset with someone can make you carry around.  

Here is my two cents on why I think we should forgive others:

1. We don't have the right to do otherwise.  God forgives us and He doesn't keep score with how many times we've turned our backs on Him.  He loves us unconditionally and forgives our sins, though we don't deserve it.  In addition to forgiving us, through His grace and mercy, He continues to bless us. So if He forgives us and blesses us abundantly (though we don't give Him nearly enough credit), what room do we have to complain about what we have done for folks who have yet to repay us.  Who are we to hold grudges against someone who has wronged us several years ago (and has probably forgotten what they have done)?  Which leads us to number two.
2. We're doing it for us, not them.  If any of you are familiar with the "Madea" franchise you probably have heard her give that speech about forgiveness being for ourselves and not for those who have hurt us. Though I may not agree with all things Madea, I do agree with that speech she gave.  Oftentimes we hold grudges against people so hard and for so long, it hardens our hearts.  It makes it hard to let others inside our hearts.  It makes it hard to form healthy relationships with others.  And believe it or not, your grudge probably isn't even affecting the person you're mad at.  You're losing sleep, frowning, and having heart palpitations all while the other person isn't even thinking about you.  So do yourself a favor and give number three a shot.
3. We could turn that negative experience into something positive.  What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.  Do you believe that?  Every test and trial we go through gives us strength, endurance, and character.  Has a friend ever betrayed you?  Well instead of mad at that sister, be thankful that she showed you her true colors before she was able to do worse damage.  Has a lover ever broke your heart?  Did you ever think about the fact that he/she might have just been an obstacle in your path to Mr./Mrs. Right?  All I'm trying to say here is that sometimes we have to go through a few things to appreciate the good that comes from it.  That failed friendship might have taught you how to appreciate a good friend.  That failed relationship may have given you time to polish up your own act so that you will be ready to love and appreciate a good mate when he or she comes to you.  No matter what you go through, always try to find a positive way to look at it.  Your heart will thank your mind for it, trust me.

I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed typing it.  Learning to forgive will definitely be a process, but remembering these three things will help the healing process go smoother.  As always, be encouraged, and thanks for taking the time to read my two cents.

My Declaration of Independence

In honor of Independence Day (with just a few minutes left to celebrate) I was inspired to declare independence from a few strongholds in my life. I will use this moment in time re-evaluate my place in life and make necessary adjustments. As some of you may know, this week has been a tumultuous one for me. With the passing of my father, I am slowly learning to appreciate life and it's lessons a bit more. So without further adieu....

I DECLARE INDEPENDENCE FROM...

Anxiety... I will not let fear take over my life. God has many blessings in store for me. I shall embark on the journey to obtain the blessings that are rightfully mine with the full armor of my Savior. As 2 Timothy 1:7 states, God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. I am declaring myself LOOSED from my anxiety. Amen!

I DECLARE INDEPENDENCE FROM...

An unhealthy lifestyle... I was inspired by my dear cousin to watch what I am ingesting lately. Though this may seem silly to some, I am coming to realize how important it is to monitor what I am fueling my temple with. I want to remain a healthy individual for the duration of my children's lives, so I must learn to take better care of my body. After all, it's gotta carry me throughout my mortal journey, right?

I DECLARE INDEPENDENCE FROM...

Unhealthy relationships... Some people I've crossed paths with in life have been lifelines. Some have been livesavers. Many have taught me valuable lessons about life and love. For meeting and knowing these individuals I am more than grateful. Knowing wonderful people definitely takes the "sting" out of running across the not-so-great people in life. If you have in any way developed a toxic relationship with me, please know that I am declaring independence from that relationship tonight. No need to further discuss this area. I've learned that everyone does not have my best interest at heart. So I must carry on.

I DECLARE INDEPENDENCE FROM...

Worry and stress... I seem to worry and stress out about every single thing. But recently as I began to stress, I recalled a scripture my mom used to feed me all the time when I was going through rough times. Matthew 6:25-34 lets me know that if God takes care of the lilies of the field (among other things in nature) he will definitely take care of me. I will try not to worry so much and believe that God has my back!

I DECLARE INDEPENDENCE FROM...

Idle activities... You know what I mean, right? When our minds and bodies are idle, we give room for all types of evil to enter our environments. Gossip always seems to pop up when individuals can't come up with meaningful conversation among each other. When in the midst of meeting deadlines, social networks such as Facebook and Twitter seem to destroy hours of my time. I'm not saying that I'm deleting my Facebook, I'm just vowing to no longer be a slave to status updates and Candy Crush :-)

and lastly.... I DECLARE INDEPENDENCE FROM...

Negativity.... It seems that when I'm on the prowl for happy days and good times, much negativity and many naysayers have appeared nearby. While many people will be happy for your new-found happiness, some will not. Some may even be jealous that you have found peace within yourself, because they have yet to find it for themselves. I am no longer allowing anything or anyone to steal my joy. You can no longer rain on my parade. There will always be someone by my side to pull out an umbrella if need be (think Fonzworth Bentley lol). I urge you all to find a little piece of happiness and inner peace for yourselves...

I plan to replace each of these strongholds with prayer, faith, happiness, healthy relationships, and most of all LOVE. Much love to you all! Have a beautiful week and take the time to declare independence from the strongholds in your life!!! Be blessed!

WHAT WILL  YOU BE DECLARING INDEPENDENCE FROM?