Headed to Work.. Or Not

This past weekend, my family laid my sweet Grandma Louise to rest. It was bittersweet. While we were able to get together for the holiday week as a family, it was for a sad occasion and we were riddled with grief. Needless to say, Thanksgiving just wasn't the same.

I was tightly bound all up in my feelings because of the loss of my grandmother, so any and everything seemed to make me emotional. That would include nasty comments from the peanut gallery on the night of my grandmother's wake as well. People, please know--if you are going to pay your respects to individuals who have lost a loved one, please keep a nice encouraging word in mind. And if you can't offer an encouraging word, please just offer a hug or a warm smile or whatever your forte' may be. But please, under no circumstance, take that opportunity to cast your wit and not-so-humorous "humor" and snide remarks on to others.

So... While I am up, standing less than one foot away from the spot where my grandmother's ivory and rose adorned, trimmed in gold casket is resting--surrounded by mourning family members, peace lilies, and beautiful floral arrangements, this lady from the community comes up to greet me with a hug. After we exchange pleasantries, she asks how my 10 week old son Jj is doing. As I proceed to tell her that my son is doing just fine, she tells the person beside me "I'm going to babysit for her so she can go to work." Really?

I look at her and politely respond to her, letting her know that my 10 week old is a full-time job and she corrected her statement by then saying, "I'm going to babysit for her so she can get a FULL-TIME JOB." Okay, wait a minute. I know what you guys are thinking. Is she gonna get at this lady and really let her know what's on her mind? And I really want to, ladies and gentlemen. I was one part stunned that this woman had the nerve to even say anything like that to me (or perhaps, about me, because she looked in the other person's eyes as she talked about me as if I wasn't there). The other part of me thought to carefully choose my words as I was standing in a chapel surrounded by family and friends. I didn't want to show out because my grandma was resting within a foot of the conversation and I wanted her to know I could be humble and a lady of few words just like her. But I was steaming on the inside. Having to make a split decision on how to handle this lady while maintaining my cool resulted in giving her a stink eye and walking away. However, her comments haunted me for the entire ride home. I wish I would have said more. You know how it is once you leave a confrontation and you ingeniously think up all the clever things you could have said but didn't, right? That's what I did for a good thirty minutes, I promise.

With everything that was going on, I totally blocked the comments out of my mind until a few minutes ago when I sat down to catch up on reading blogs. I wondered to myself what some of you fellow moms would have said. I wondered how some of you would have felt had the comment been directed to you. And I also wondered what it was about this comment that bothered me so bad.

For one, I wanted to know how this lady knew I wasn't working in the first place.  She is indeed a lady from the community I was raised in, but I have no dealings with her. I haven't seen her in months. How and why is she in my business anyways?

Secondly, why did it bother her that I wasn't working? I mean, bothered to the point that instead of saying she was sorry that I had lost my grandmother and that she would keep my family in prayer, she brought that ish up?

Thirdly, and most importantly, I wondered, did it bother me because I thought she was right? 
Not right in being rude, but right in the fact that I do indeed need to go back to work? Did I feel a tinge of guilt and was I mad that she called me out? Ooh the shade!  And crazy is it that the shade can show up anywhere, even at the wake of a funeral?

Something in me is growing angry as I type. What business is it of anyone's if I am staying at home with my baby? And with all the unsolicited advice I've received in my last 9 years of being a mom, why am I still getting shade from folks about the way I choose to raise my children?  At first, I wasn't going to share these words, as I just wanted to blow off some steam in writing.  But then I decided that perhaps I should.  Maybe another mother can shine some light on this subject and offer me some words to help me cope with the rude folks around me.  Or maybe some rude individual will read this post and see the error in their own ways and stop saying discouraging things to others, especially when they are grieving.

Fellow SAHMs, how do you deal with folks who don't understand why you choose to stay-at-home?  

header photo credit- essence.com

Thought Bubbles Thursday With Tia: Vol. I

I still can't believe that I am a MOTHER OF THREE. That's so crazy to me. It's finally starting to set in though.

Is it bad that I'm having a hard time recalling birth dates and things when the doctors ask me?  Now I know how my mother felt with all those May babies back then.

Why does everyone keep giving me unsolicited baby advice? Being that this is the third time around, I think I might be certified in knowing my babies by now. Just maybe.

I'm working hard on not letting every emotion I feel show on my face-- especially in public. I don't think it's working out too well for me though.  Maybe I should practice smiling in the mirror (insert silly Keke Wyatt type face here lol).

I'm so disappointed that my date night with hubby this weekend has been cancelled. Like really.  I was so looking forward to watching Chris Hemsworth swing that hammer around in a dark theater and everything. Oh and of course, spending time with my beloved :-)

Sometimes I think I need more friends who are SAHMs.  No one understands me.

It feels like my laundry is the pile that never ends this week.

I probably should be washing dishes instead of typing these thoughts right now.

Man, eff those dishes right now.

What was I thinking drawing my brows on for the last 14 years? I'm smh for real looking at my old high school pictures.  Thank God for YouTube.

When I reach my hair goals, I'm so getting an auburn rinse!

Why am I getting sucked into LHHNY? I know it has to be scripted!  There's no way Peter Gunz is really crazy enough to be married to the side chick and living with the main girl.

The fact that I used to rock to "Uptown Baby" is really telling my age. I bet the kids watching LHHNY don't even know that song. Ha!

Speaking of getting older, I've finally made a 30 by 30 list. It features 30 cool things I want to do before June 2015. I'm gonna share it here on the blog soon.

It's almost Scandal time! Thank God Jj is sleep.  This is the highlight of my day, ladies and gentlemen. Can you believe Khandi Alexander's gonna be playing Liv's mom?

I'm doing this link up with Tia of The Chic SAHM. Stop by her blog, say what's up, and tell her I sent ya!

Motherhood Update

Hey ladies and gents! I know it's been a while! And for that I sincerely apologize.  I just wanted to let you know that I did not intentionally leave you guys hanging.  I left a few blog drafts just hanging around out here to dry, a couple of reviews here and there that have yet to be published, and tons of pictures that will probably never see the light of day.  I hate that I haven't shared them with you sooner!

But the truth is, somewhere along the line I got stuck in a little rut.  I had some business to attend to on the homefront that I didn't imagine would take me away from posting regularly here.  I got caught up, y'all.  I do miss sharing with you all and keeping up with all of the bloggers that I have grown to love.  I think I just needed a couple of weeks to breathe.  I hope y'all aren't mad at me.

I also have a bit of news to share with you guys. If you follow me on Instagram you probably already know that I AM EXPECTING! Yes, again, ladies and gentlemen.  In fact, my husband and I are expecting our beautiful bouncing BABY BOY to arrive in September. And for this I am excited!!!

Thank you so much for you wonderful ladies who have missed me and have reached out to me wondering where I've been. I've missed y'all so much and hope to jump right back into blogging seamlessly.  I will try my best to update on all my social networks as often as I possibly can, so be sure to keep up with me on
Bloglovin, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.  And look out for new blog posts starting tomorrow and more updates and pictures of what I've been up to in May!

Reflections: 2012 in Review

Alas, ladies and gentlemen. 2013 is only a few nights away and at this moment I am reflecting on how much I have learned and grown this year.  I've had some hits, some misses, and made some moves in which I still await a verdict.  All in all, I can say that 2012 has been very good to me.  As a way of charting my progress and preparing myself for the upcoming year, I decided to do Rosetta Thurman's Annual Review (courtesy of Happy Black Woman).  It has been very helpful to me, so I would like to share my review with you guys in hopes that you will do this review for yourselves also.  I will warn you in advance-- it's a lengthy read so bear with me!

What I Want to Remember About 2012

What was the most valuable lesson you learned this year?  Spread love as much as you can and as often as you can.  I don't always have the means to give as much as I would like to financially, but as long as I'm breathing, I always have the ability to love. Being able to show love to another is such an underrated experience.  In turn, I don't know what I would do without the love I've received from my closest friends, family, and even complete strangers.  Love is what really keeps us alive.

What professional accomplishments (at work or in your business) were you most proud of this year? I am most proud that I now have a sponsor here! Stay tuned as I will share more about this next month.

What was your favorite family/friends moment from 2012?  My favorite family/friends moment from 2012 was definitely my grandfather's birthday party.  My grandfather is a warm, loving, wise, and highly respected man in the community and it warmed my heart to see so many people come out to celebrate his life.  The conversations, hugs, and pleasantries shared among family and friends combined with good eating and music made for an awesome day.  My grandma even smiled long enough to take pictures :)  It was a beautiful thing to know our family was able to come together and share love for my grandfather in a big way, as he is getting up in age.  And he was overwhelmed with joy!

What was the best book/blog/song/movie/restaurant/city/country/etc. you discovered this year?

Book:  the first that comes to mind is Farther Than I Meant To Go, Longer Than I Meant To Stay by Tiffany Warren. It's a book I read via the FWB Book Club.  I learned so much about being patient, waiting on the Lord, and consulting Him in all areas of my life from this read. 

Blog: I have fallen in love with Christa all because of her blog, Inspired by Beatrice Clay.  When I joined Bloggers Like Me, her blog is one of the first I came across.  Her words were so inspiring, her thoughts were so insightful, and her challenges always motivated me to do better. Please be sure to check out the blog and tell her I sent ya over there! 

Song: To ask me to choose one song for the year is like offering me one chip from an entire can of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles. This is a difficult task!  The ratchet side of me wants to say Cashin' Out by Cash Out because it has played a million times in my car this year lol.  And the romantic side of me wants to say Adorn by  Miguel for the same reason. But if I had to choose a theme song for the year I would have to say Stand Up by Jessie J.

Movie:  The Perks of Being a Wallflower was one of my favorite movies of the year. Note I did not say Avengers (mainly because I've raved about it so much this year already!). Please check it out if you haven't already. 

What I Want to Leave Behind As I Enter 2013

Which personal development area(s) did you make the LEAST progress on this year: health, finances, education, relationships, family, work and/or lifestyle?  I have made the least progress in my health goals this year.  I need to start going to the doctor more often.  The belief that I can concoct something at home that can make me feel brand new is not as true as I once thought.  I've never had high blood pressure before this year, so that is the first indicator that I need to take better care of my health.  I also need to take my physical fitness goals more seriously.  (Anyone in the area in need of a workout partner?  I am so serious!)

What promises (to yourself or others) did you break in 2012? In 2012, I vowed to spend more time with my friends and put more effort into making more connections. Needless to say, I didn't do as much of either as I would have liked.  I have a tendency to retreat to my own personal space when I'm going through things.  Instead of seeking comfort and solace from friends, I tend to push them away and keep to myself.  From now on (starting tonight and not waiting until 2013) I will make more of an effort to nurture my friendships, reach out to my friends, and be there for them when they need me.  I'm for real this time.  I will also step out of my comfort zone and try my hardest to meet new people in my area by attending more events and accepting more invitations.  

What arguments/gossip/hurtful comments, if any, did you participate in or make this year that you wish you could take back and/or apologize for? I haven't had any heated arguments with anyone that I can recall (as I tend to avoid conflict as much as possible), but I have had issues with individuals that took place back in 2011 that as of tonight have still been unresolved.  Sometimes, I wish the whole ordeal would have never taken place, but when I look back at everything I realize it was inevitable.  The only thing that bothers me about the situation is it has affected relationships with my family and it has affected by ability to trust others.  I wish I knew how to resolve it, but for now I don't.  

What opportunities, if any, did you miss out on in 2012 because of fear or procrastination? Fear has placed so many roadblocks in my life. So much so, that I may have to address that at another time in another way. This year it has prevented me from sharing my true feelings with others, taking chances, and making changes I know are necessary for my growth.  With God's help, I know I can move past the fear though. Keep me in your prayers, guys.

What I Want to Bring Into My Life in 2013

What do you deserve more of next year? What do you deserve less of next year? In 2013, I believe I deserve more love.  I will allow more love and happiness to pour into my life. I deserve less disappointment, dishonesty, and negativity.

What personal milestone(s) do you most want to reach this year in your relationships, health, family, finances, education and/or lifestyle?  This upcoming year, I wish to spend more quality time with my husband and children, visit the doctor and exercise more often, make better financial choices that will better benefit my children, add another skill set/diploma/certificate and degree to my resume', and spend more time connecting with others.

What professional accomplishments (at work or in your business) do you want to see for yourself this year? I would love to have a functioning work from home business, get started with my freelance MUA efforts, and to assist my daughter with her ambitions of starting a jewelry line.

What do you want to learn in 2013? I want to learn to sew!

What do you want to cross off of your bucket list in 2013? I want to cross visiting Las Vegas and meeting three of my blogger besties in my head off my bucket list in 2013.

What I Want My Life to Look Like in 2013

What part of your life do you want to pay more attention to in 2013?   I want to pay more attention to my family life in 2013.  Of course, I have professional and personal goals for myself, but I want to put more effort into building and strengthening my family. 

Who do you want to spend more time with in 2013? I want to spend more time with my friends in 2013.  I hate that my closest friends live so far away, as our time spent together is quite limited.  But I have no problem hopping on a plane so I can look in their faces more often this year!  I also have special people in my life that live less than an hour's drive from me that I hope to make more great memories with next year as well. 

Which activities, habits or behaviors, if any, do you want to stop doing in 2013 because they are no longer in alignment with your values?   As I mentioned before, I have a habit of retreating to self.  I spend more time alone than I probably should.  And this is something that has only started happening within the last two years.  I would love to be more social and less introverted, so I have to stop this behavior.

Which activities do you want to start and/or continue doing in 2013?  I want to spend more time enjoying my city this year.  I've been living here for a few years now, and have only recently started enjoying all that the city has to offer.  I also would like to visit other landmarks besides the beach.  Perhaps I could plan another trip to the mountains soon!  All in all, I want to see some new stuff!

Have you taken the time to reflect on all that has taken place, all you have accomplished, and things that didn't go as you liked in 2012?  

Dre Writes: The Burgundy Lipstick Story

My obsession with lipstick dates back around two decades ago.  I was always fascinated by the way it made my aunt's lips the first thing I noticed when visiting her as a child.  It left such an impression on everything.  It made others hang on to every word that escaped her lips.  It even left its heavy stain on the glasses she drank from and the silverware she ate from.  It made such a statement that I wanted some of my own.  Somehow I knew I would not be able to get my hands on any for myself though.  Grown-ups have a way of letting children know that certain things are for grown-ups only so I knew none would be outright handed to me.

One day I came up with what then seemed like a novel idea.  I made up in my mind that during the next visit, I would get some lipstick from my aunt without her knowing.  The wheels of the plan were set in motion on the way to her house soon after.  Upon arrival, I was so anxious I couldn't even sit still!  While no one was looking I decided to sneak up to her room and find her makeup bag.  It wouldn't be very hard, because when my mother went anywhere, she had four children with her.  I was one of those four.  No one would notice I'd be missing with three younger children to fuss over.

In the short moments that led to me being in this space and time,  I had to make sure to remain unseen and quietly creep off into my curiosities.  In record time, I found myself quietly closing her room  door and spotting that bright red vintage makeup bag with the golden zippers. I carefully drew back the opening seams of that bag to uncover hidden treasures of  honey brown-stained sponges, circular contraptions with "Fashion Fair" imprinted with gold strokes, black pencils with clear toppers and big fluffy brushes.  I rummaged through the bag with my little curious fingers and large inquisitive eyes looking for the big prize.

Finding that single tube of lipstick immediately made me feel powerfully statuesque in all my 4 foot glory.  Twisting the bottom of the cream colored tube and smearing the stick of burgundy color onto my lips made me very visible.  In fact, it transformed me into quite the diva.  Wearing it removed me from the blur that was "the four."  It also gave me access to a secret of beauty among the women in my family. It was their way of being noticed in a room full of women without saying much.  It was also a good way to get in trouble with my mama, had she caught me wearing it.  It would be worth the risk though. After basking in the application of the lipstick and enveloping the magical, mystical feeling I imagined my aunties felt, I would wipe it away in a haste, without anyone noticing.  Or so I thought.  The haste of my mother's footsteps was much faster than the quick swipes of my forehand I thought would make me go back to being unnoticed.  Too bad the color was so heavily pigmented, my lips were left stained with shame until my bedtime bath.

I had almost forgotten the burst of excitement I felt in that brief moment of time.  My reflection in the illuminated mirror back in 1992 with a crimson grin dripping from my chin had nearly escaped me.  It wasn't until I peeked into my bedroom twenty years later that I found that same bashful smile grinning back at me, one part proud yet one part afraid.  I smiled to myself, and indeed let my reflection know I was amused by her new smile.

I didn't make her take it off, either.  But I did inform her that I could see her just fine without it.  I still wonder to myself, however, if she feels the same way about me.