Self-Love Saturdays | 20 Ways to Love on Yourself This Weekend

Some Saturdays are more eventful than others. Some Saturdays are filled with loads of fun and social activity to stimulate us on all levels. These Saturdays fuel us, filling our proverbial cups with the warmth, love, comradery, and excitement we need to sustain us. Then there are other Saturdays. The Saturdays in which we'd rather be left to our own devices. The week has drained us and we find ourselves depleted mentally, emotionally, physically, and maybe even spiritually. Maybe that Saturday feels like today for you.

Perhaps this week has been a rough one for you. Disappointment has hit you like a ton of bricks one too many times. Almost feels like the last blow made all the hurt flow in, nearly drowning you emotionally. It is times like these when we have to dial up our self-care so that we are able to love on ourselves a little more.

What is self-care?

According to the Oxford Dictionary, self-care is the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health. The keyword here is "practice," meaning it's something we must continuously and consistently do for our overall health. That includes mentally, spiritually, physically, socially and emotionally. 

But what is self-love, then? 

Self-love is a positive regard for yourself and a way to treat yourself with the same kindness and empathy you would show someone close to you. In short, it's the positive attitude towards self you must embody in order to practice self-care in the best way.

This is why self-care and self-love go hand in hand.

So how do we apply these things realistically?

While I try to make a habit to practice a bit of self-love each week, I sometimes forget. Life gets in the way. Deadlines take precedence. Items on the social calendar become obligations. And more often than I'd like to admit, and I'm sure others can agree, I forget to add myself to my to-do list. 

So, if you've found yourself at the bottom of your to-do list more times than you'd like lately, this post is for you. It's easy to experience burnout before we realize we haven't been pouring into ourselves. But all is not lost. If you're looking for ways to practice self-care today or this weekend (and beyond), look no further.

Below is a list of 20 practical ways one can show themselves a bit of love and appreciation.

10 Easy Ways to Add Luxury to Your Life

When you hear people speak of luxury, what automatically comes to mind for you? 

 

Luxury as a noun means the state of great comfort and extravagant living. Now I know everyone’s definition of extravagant may vary. However, I believe that everyone should have access to great comfort in their lives. I am a person who relishes in the small things, things that awaken my senses and bring me joy. It could be as small as the sheer curtain sweeping over my window to let in the slightest bit of sunlight. Or it could be something as major as getting a massage from a top-rated spa in the city. But because the latter is only occasional maintenance for me, I create ways at home to give myself the same type of comfort + care the spa trip permits.

Read below the break to learn more about easy and affordable ways to add luxury to your everyday life.

Self-Care with Soarbae

If you've been here for a while, you already know we're big on self-care around here. I don't think I can stress enough how imperative it is to take care of yourselves. In order to show up in the world as your best self, you must pour into self often. As nurturers by default, I believe that many of us women only remember the importance of self-care when we're zero miles to empty and in desperate need of restoration. That's why every chance I get, I'm reminding someone (even myself) to add something to the weekly calendar to cater to your individual needs. Fulfilling these needs allows you to operate at your best in service of yourself and others. 

In sharing the message of self-care, I love discussing ways I incorporate self-care into my daily routine. So, when I learned that my dear cousin LaSheena Wilson created her own self-care brand specializing in candles, I knew I had to get familiar right away.  I am so grateful she sent me this beautiful package so I could share it with you guys!

Soarbae was created out of passion to inspire and celebrate women. With each candle, the brand hopes to "ignite the light inside of you to soar beyond the limits." Now I don't know about you guys, but nothing sets the tone like lighting "hand-poured with love" candles when starting my self-care routine. Read below to check out how I've incorporated Soarbae into my moments of self-care.  

How I Created a Morning Routine I Could Stick To

How do you start your day? We all want to put our best foot forward when it comes to having the most productive day possible. Some can't do it without a steaming, rich cup (or two) of coffee. Others can't do it without an early morning walk.

As much as I've tried to tweak my early morning routine, nothing motivated me to wake up early to do all the things. And no matter how much I've tried, mornings just weren't my jam when it came to being my most productive self.  My brain was in a scramble most days and I was often moving on autopilot. I knew I had to prepare at night for the next day, but even the preparation became a daunting task. I wanted to make my routine fun and not the monotonous adulting 101 to-do list that I dreaded. I needed to get excited about my mornings so that I could bring my best self out for them each day.

Recognizing this need made me consider the things that brought me joy and made me excited about starting the day. There wasn't some magic formula created by someone else that would trick me into suddenly becoming a morning person. But I could put routines in place that encourage and inspire me in my first waking moments each day. Check out how just a few small things make a world of difference in my mornings below.

REVIEW | Bloom by Brittany Travesté

Where are you in your self-love journey? And when is the last time you read something that encouraged you to BLOOM? While I feel that I have grown to love myself and everything that has shaped to be who I am, I still have a way to go. Like many of us, I still have a tendency to conceal or hide the not-so-desirable parts of myself and my past. So you would believe it had to be fate that while dealing with this very issue I would receive a book in the mail that spoke directly to my situation. Enter: Bloom by Brittany Travesté.

3 Keys to Creating an Effective Self-Care Plan

We're two weeks deep into 2017 and I hope everyone has been doing well so far. Along with creating new goals and resolutions for the new year, I also hope you have added self-care to your calendars and planners! And if you haven't, no worries. We're gonna take a moment to discuss creating a self-care plan right now. We're also going to make sure that plan is effective for you and doesn't just take up space in that cute new journal you bought a few weeks ago, too (I know I'm not the only one who's been grabbing up lots of pretty stationery for the new year, am I?).

The easiest thing would be to write down a self-care plan and through that alone, our healing comes right on through. Instantly, we're taking better care of ourselves and those around us. And before we know it, our skin starts glowing out of nowhere, too! But that’s just not the reality. Sometimes it’s all we can do to wake up each morning and look ourselves in the mirrors. We might be dealing with self-doubt, grief, remorse, loss, broken-hearts, you name it. But having a self-care plan in place and being intentional about following through in the best way that we can does help. Because when "life" happens, we often forget to take care of ourselves. Having a plan to refer to will help us take actionable steps on how to get on by.

Below are three major keys to creating an effective self-care plan.

Unboxing | The NEW Artisan Love Box

You guys know that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when the mail comes and you've gotten a package? Let's take our minds there for a minute. Now imagine that said package being a curated subscription box. You're overwhelmed with wonder and mystery because you're not quite sure of the contents just yet. And then you begin tearing away at the casing, searching for something sharp to get into those secured seams. Suddenly, you get a whiff of something warm and sweet, like someone had accidentally placed cake in your parcel. What do you do? You do like me and get into that box with the quickness! I recently received The NEW Artisan Love Box and this was my exact response to the arrival of the box. And the same intrigued, excited, then pleasantly satisfied feel I had when opening the contents has been my experience in trying the products.

The Artisan Love Box is a curated subscription box created by handmade business owners Jarmelia Ladson and Candera Thompson, featuring a quality selection of beauty + body care products. The cool thing about the Artisan Love Box is that each item included is handmade, toxic-free, and made by women with your wellness in mind.

How to Create an Inspiration Box

When is the last time you took inventory of your current goals and resolutions? I know it's been a while since I've talked about goals here on the blog. But now that we're already half-way through the year, I thought today would be a good time to speak on them again. I know everyone doesn't buy into the whole new year's resolution thing. However, I do believe everyone can benefit from writing down goals and checking progress on them as often as needed. That's why many of us create vision boards to keep us focused on them daily.

Remember on Instagram and Facebook when I told you guys I was inspired by this XO Necole article about the vision board alternative, the "create box?" Well instead of updating my vision board (which is actually a cork-board filled with pictures and affirmations), I enhanced it with a "create box" or as I like to call mine, an "inspiration box." I figured "inspiration box" would be more fitting because the images, quotes, and scriptures I have in mine inspire me to focus on my goals and purpose. Below, I will tell you how I made it.

7 Ways I Practice Self-Love Weekly

Dear Wonder Woman, how many hats are you currently wearing today? Are you the nurturer among your friends and family? Are you a mother, sister, wife, friend, confidante, employee, employer, and or entrepreneur? Chances are you have answered yes to several of these roles.  And as a woman who serves many roles in relation to others, you must make caring for YOU a top priority. A while back on the blog we discussed self-care and how important it is to have a self-care plan. But did you realize that a key component of your self-care plan involves self-love? The ways in which you practice self-love are a direct reflection on your emotional health and well-being.

So what is self-love, exactly?
Self-love is defined as the "regard for one's own well-being and happiness, chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic."

And why is it so important, again?
In order to be our best selves for those who need us most, we must take care of ourselves first. If you're running on empty, it's impossible to give a single thing to someone else.

As a WAHM, I sometimes catch myself slipping when it comes to making my emotional well-being a top priority. So for my sanity as well as my family's, I make sure to do these seven things each week to stay in-tune with self.

Five Simple Ways To Start Living Fearlessly

If you are that risk-taking, challenge-accepting, daredevil who boldly embraces change and takes life by the horns, let me be the first to say I applaud you! I tip my hat to you all. However, this post may or may not be for you.

This post, is however, for folks like me. You know, those of us who may be just a little afraid to take that next big step. Those of us who are shaken by the thought of trying something new. Those of us who could be getting a lot further in life if we only had the nerve. Though I'm no cowardly lion, and I'm sure you're not either, it's probably evident that we both could use a push when it comes to living fearlessly. And since my main focus in 2014 is being fearless, I've decided to share with you guys my personal list-- the five ways in which I have began my fearless way of living. These are indeed small, yet very measurable tasks. Though I'm only a few months in, I'm already seeing a change in my way of living. Read on to catch the deets and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments!


1. Say yes. How many times have you prayed feverishly for better opportunities--only to turn them down once they come? I, for one, have been guilty of this on several occasions in the past. I've dismissed ideas of golden opportunities being mine, letting excuses and fear get in my way more times than I'm willing to admit. The fear of not being "prepared" had become my chief excuse. Even when asked out to social events and networking opportunities, I've given reasons such as not having a sitter or not being able to get there. But once those opportunities and invitations began running few and far in between, I wondered why I didn't get them more often. I was practically giving them away! So lately, I've been GOING. And trust me, when you want to get out and go somewhere you will find a way!

2. Go alone. This is a hard one for me. And I can imagine it may be a hard one for others as well. There's just something about braving uncharted territory alone that scares me. There's no familiar faces to share knowing smiles across the room with. There's no one to spark a quick conversation with to break the ice. Or is there?

After going to a few events solo, I can't believe I didn't start sooner! I was able to network with new people and it was much easier doing so alone. Always depending on someone to be my "wing man" can make me a bit too comfortable-- too comfortable to start conversations with others, too comfortable to speak out in the crowd during ice-breakers, and too comfortable to fully engage in the company of others around me. I will admit, it's still a task to get out there and go to events by myself. But it's a rewarding experience each time I do so, because I'm able to prove to myself that it can be done! It really helps to diminish the fear of being alone as well as the fear of the "unknown."

3. Meet new people  (or interact with the people we know in different ways). Now for me, this is one of the harder tasks. While I believe myself to be a rather friendly person, I find it hard to approach people I don't know. So I started by reaching out to people that I come in contact with on an everyday basis. I would compliment another woman attending the same event I was. I would ask other parents about possible extra-curricular activities I could sign my children up for. And since I'm a "new" parent in my children's school system, asking questions about the school, the area, and ways to get involved have really helped spark conversations among new people. I can even see a couple of new friendships forming between myself and other moms. And remember, even if you are a bit too shy to spark up a conversation with someone you don't know, a smile can go a long way. Simply smiling at a seemingly friendly person in the workplace, in class, or other place I frequented has been the start of many of my relationships to this day!

4. Do new things (or do everyday things differently). Now for the easy part--this may be the easiest task on the entire list. For this particular task, I sat down at my desk and created a neat little list. Well, what was supposed to be a little list, but became a lengthy master-list. I wrote down new restaurants I would like to dine at. Then I wrote down my favorite restaurants, along with items I had not tried on their menus. I wrote down places in my neighborhood I have yet to visit. I also wrote down three trades I want to master (which are also on my 30 by 30 list), and I added to that list three passions I have that I would love to perfect.  And just before I got carried away with creating this list (as I am a chronic list-maker), I gave myself a timeline to accomplish these things by. And ladies and gents, these are simple things that require little effort. They are large in the greater realm of things to me, because it shows me that I am capable of living outside of this proverbial box I keep cornering myself into.

5. Go new places (or see familiar places with fresh eyes). I will admit to you guys now that I've used the excuse of not having the resources, the funds, and/or the connections to travel too many times in the past. Little did I know that MY affirmation with MY words that I was unable to travel put a message out into the world. Therefore, I made myself unable to go out and see new things because I professed it. So one day, I decided to stop using my words to limit myself. Back when I first started making vision boards and planning vacations (whether I knew I could actually take them or not) I felt the power to believe. I began to envision myself visiting new places that I read about in books or magazines. And before long, I was taking flights and packing bathing suits! Though fear of the unknown threatened to "shut the party down" on more than a few occasions, I said my prayers, repeated 2 Timothy 1:7, and trusted that the Lord would take care of me wherever I ventured to. And he did!

Nowadays, however,  I don't get to travel too often---especially with the new baby. But I dare not speak that I CAN'T travel. I simply refer to that list I spoke of in #4 and find a new place to check out in my town or the next town over. Once I stepped out of the box and created new experiences for myself, I realized how confining it was to limit myself all this time!

In what ways do you practice living fearlessly? 

I would love to hear about them in the comments. 

Ideas, experiences, and words of encouragement 

are welcomed and greatly appreciated!

May's Wishes

Hey guys, I'm back! Did you all miss me? I know it's been a while, and for that I do apologize. I've really missed you all and hope to get all caught up in the blogosphere soon!

Since I left off with a weekly wishes post, and May is a very special month for me, I decided to share my monthly wishes with you as well.

1. Do something special for my birthday. I don't have any major plans for my birthday this year and haven't for the last couple of years. And I'm not trying to do anything big this year, but I do hope to celebrate in some way or another with my favorite people. I've been working on my 30 by 30 list steadily as well, so I hope to have a few more items crossed off my list by my prelude to 30 at the end of the month.

2. Work on fitness as a family unit. Trying to eat healthy seems to be a struggle around my home. For years I have been making a variation of two different meals (per night) as my husband and I don't like the same foods. And now that I'm attempting to eat healthier, it's harder to get creative with meals and still appease my husband and children. I hope to overcome this challenge by the end of this month because I have no plans on increasing my grocery budget. Any tips, ladies and gents?

3. Have "girl's night" each week with Gabs. We recently grabbed up this cute little book by the American Girl series called "Just Mom & Me" that contains some of the coolest activities for girls to do with their moms. Though we've done a few of the activities, I want to get a little more routine with our quality time spent together. With my oldest son involved in sports this season and Jj getting most of the attention around the house, it's imperative that I make sure I carve in special time for just me and baby girl.

4. Spend quality time with my girlfriends. Life gets overwhelming sometimes. And sometimes it sucks because I feel like I don't have an outlet from my family life. I really could use a few lunch dates and girl talks this month.  I really miss my girls.

5. Make (more)  pretty things. Thanks to Pinterest and Youtube, I've been on a creative kick lately. I can't wait to share with you all some of the things I've been making. And to keep my creative momentum rolling, I'm making a commitment to create at least one pretty thing each week.

6. Plan a vacation. It's always fun to plan a vacation for the family, even if I have no clue when we will be able to take one. I'm hoping we will be able to tackle at least one weekend getaway for the early summer.

7. Create a "self-care" plan. Sometimes when we take on a lot, carry on a lot of responsibilities, and make it our mission to make everyone around us happy, we often forget to make sure we are at 100%. Back in my SW days at UNCW, we did self-care check-ins each week. We told our field instructors at least one thing we did for ourselves during the week prior to meeting. I'm making a point to do something each week and for accountability purposes, I might even share a bit about them here on the blog, on my FB page, or over on Insta.

And a brief update about last month's wishes:

I can honestly say I've accomplished each of the wishes. Well, sorta. In April, I hoped to get my blogging life together. That resulted in an unplanned blogging break. I needed to be centered and focused with a few personal things going on with me, so blogging took an unexpected backseat. However, I have been writing almost everyday, whether it's been a poem, a prayer, or a brief anecdote. I learned that I never really lost my inspiration to write last month, I just became so overwhelmed in other areas that I could not focus on completing anything.

With the help of a fitness challenge between J and I along with YouTube (namely BeFit, Blogilates, and Tiffany Rothe), I've also been exercising regularly. My goal is to get some activity in daily and gain a partner (or support group) by my birthday.

The children have really enjoyed spending time with God daily, and have even made a habit of getting in devotion time nightly thanks to these books.

I've done a lot of spring cleaning literally and figuratively and am now making strides to throw out 50 things each week, so that I don't get bogged down with that much clutter ever again.

And I've been reading some great books lately, too. Be on the lookout for a post about them soon!

What are some things you wish to accomplish this week? 

This month?

Tell me all about them in the comments! 

Some Days Insecurity Wins

Sometimes I want to be bold.  I want to sing all of my favorite songs to the top of my lungs in public, but I fear being seen as strange.  I want to wear purple, pink, green, and leopard print simultaneously, with obnoxiously huge white sunglasses most days of the week.   But again, the fear thing.. It hits me.  I dream of painting my living room cerulean blue, which is one of my favorite hues, but I imagine my husband will detest the choice of shade and question my lack of experience with interior design.  So there goes another brilliant idea.  Just the other day I concocted an interesting recipe of my favorite food items.  You know, the usual. Salmon, spinach, parmesan cheese, chili powder, garlic.. Yes, loads of garlic.  Wait, maybe I should discard the high dose of garlic.  But mid-way through preparation, I realized I would be the only one to enjoy it. Who would really want to eat it besides me?  I thought it over and decided to save my groceries.

I grew tired of my hair and made plans to cut it again. I'd even picked out a shockingly rude shade of red to dye it and everything.  I felt liberated by the thought of not having to fuss over it so much daily.  I grew excited knowing that I would have more time for makeup application if I just did away with the hair.  But then the practical side of me just knew co-workers and classmates would not appreciate such loud hair. They would never understand the struggle I go through dealing with our society's standards of beauty.  So I played it safe, got a full Remy install, and promised myself I'd do a short red weave on my hair at a later date.

I fell in love with a cute red bandage dress when I was out shopping the other day.  I looked in the mirror and loved the way it hugged my curves.  Before I decided to purchase it, I stepped out of the single fitting room and into the full length mirrors in the center of the fitting section.  The stares of horror from the other women made me feel like I made the wrong decision.  So I put it back on the rack, shamefully.

On my best day, I am that lady who will tell you I don't care what anyone thinks of me.  I make my own rules, set my own trends, and sing and dance to whatever the heck I want.  But sometimes, just sometimes, I'm attacked by my insecurities.  I hope that my personal best aligns with my parents' ideas of what my personal best may be.  I hope that the things I do for my friends are to their liking.  I hope that my husband is truly satisfied with our marriage.  I pray that I am being the best mommy I can be for my children.  It does hurt my feelings when people don't like me "just because".  I do get offended when people say I'm too sensitive.  But that's just who I am.

Do any of you feel just like this sometimes?

from the archives: October 2011

10 Things: Creature Comforts for PMS

Being pregnant for most of the year gave me a serious case of memory lapse! It made me forget all about I had an Aunt Dot who was due to visit me soon after Jj arrived. Nonetheless, the new baby came home and after a month or so, my estranged aunt decided to pay a visit. I was so unprepared! I had forgotten all about how she likes to come down and over-stay her welcome, throw her weight around (that bloating is no joke) and shake up my home with her emotion-driven shenanigans! Tell me your aunt comes through and is just as crazy as mine, please!

On a serious note, I had truly forgotten how PMS makes me feel. Sure I had grown used to having my emotions all over the place and craving various foods due to pregnancy, but I had forgotten that my cycle sends me through so many changes. I have the worst headaches. I bloat like crazy. I get a breakout or two. Or five. I crave sweet and salty everything. And last but not the lesser of the evils, every single thing makes me cry. So in hopes to better prepare myself for the upcoming months of premenstrual trauma + drama, I came up with a list of "creature comforts" that help me to better deal when it's that time of the month.

1. Aromatherapy. One thing I love doing to help myself de-stress during that time is surrounding myself with invigorating scents. Essential oils such as rosemary and lavender are both said to help with relaxation and enhancing one's mood. My personal favorite is peppermint oil. It awakens me, making me more alert, and helps open my nasal passages. And if you are one who gets the occasional headache when you're PMSing, peppermint oil is also known to rid one of headaches!

2. A nice soothing face mask (or other facial treatment). Being spoiled with such a glowing complexion during my pregnancy really made me forget how annoying those hormonal breakouts can be. To help deal with unruly skin, I love applying a facial mask while relaxing or reading a good book. Freeman Beauty has a great variety of face masks, such as the Avocado & Oatmeal Clay Mask (one of my personal favorites). And they're super affordable (at most $3.99 for a 6 oz bottle)!
  

3. Great eats. My favorite PMS meal is actually breakfast food. I love pancakes with the bacon on the side (in my The Dream voice lol) along with a nice warm cup of hot chocolate (especially in the winter). Most combinations consisting of sweet and salty seem to tame my cravings.

4. Mani + Pedi Goodies. As you guys can tell from many of my postings, I can always go for a DIY mani. I have tons of polishes, nail art, and products to aid in creating the perfect manicure. Most days, doing a manicure definitely pulls me out of the dumps and helps me feel better. But a manicure, ladies and gentlemen, has nothing on a good ole pedicure! Though I go to the salon every now and again for one, I enjoy doing them at home. I really feel like I'm indulging with the pampering when I pull out my Conair Waterfalls Foot Spa and soak my feet! After, soaking, exfoliating, and doing my paraffin wax, I always treat my nails and do a little nail art on them also.

5. Heat. During that time of the month, I tend to have horrible cramping and back pain. To ease the pain and discomfort, I use heating pads and they really help! If I'm not using a plug-in heating pad, I use my Hot Heart Massager heat pack from Pure Romance. It works wonders, I tell ya!

6. Fluffy robe and slippers (or pajamas). All is well with the world when one can just lay back and relax in a fluffy robe and slippers. The warm, comforting texture of a fluffy robe is just what I need to lounge around when I'm deep in my feelings. There's also something very rejuvenating about being enveloped in a plush, luxury robe--- reminds me of being at the spa, I suppose. And if fluffy robes aren't your thing, feel free to trade them in for cute pajamas! Be sure to grab up a pair of these Muk Luks Esscentials Aromatherapy Scented Thong slippers to add even more luxury for less to your comfort!

7. Sarah Vaughan and Solange (or your favorite tunes). There's nothing like music to get me in a mood. Music sets the tone for everything in life :-) So while I'm feeling such a wide range of emotions while dealing with my cycle, smooth tunes from the likes of Sarah Vaughan and Solange always tend to mellow me out. Truth be told, Make Yourself Comfortable has been known to calm both me and the little one to a smooth slumber in these last few weeks!

8. A Great Flick or Two. Or a Series. Though I'm already deep enough in my feelings during my cycle, I still want to watch chick flicks and tear-jerkers. Why? I don't know. I'm thinking maybe it's because I'm already crying and watching emotionally charged films give me an excuse to do so even more. And since I won't feel like doing much in my spare time other than laying on the couch, I might as well give some DVDs a few spins. I could watch movies like Safe Haven, The Lucky One, Brown Sugar, and Claudine over and over! And of course it wouldn't be me if I didn't add a few reruns of Girlfriends to the mix.

9. Tea + Pretty Mugs. Many of us already know the relaxing, calming, and de-stressing benefits of tea. In fact, Peppermint, Chamomile, and Honey Lavender Tea are excellent for each of these benefits. But did you know that Traditional Medicinals makes an herbal tea called Female Toner that actually balances female cycles and tones the uterus? It's very similar to the Raspberry Leaf Tea that I enjoyed during my last trimester of pregnancy, as it is composed of raspberry leaf as well as strawberry leaf with nettle. A cup of this tea would be love during your that time and what better way to compliment it than with a pretty mug or tea cup like this one?

10. Midol. If everything else on this list fails you at some point, feel free to break the glass and grab a couple of Midol. Though it's usually my last resort, it works like a charm. It will relieve that headache and bloated feeling in no time! Promise :-)

What are your favorite creature comforts for, 

you know, when it's that time?

photo credit

Letting It Shine!

If you guys saw my last "life" update, you know that I was experiencing a bit of frustration.  My friends were disappearing, I was confused about what I wanted to do in life, and I was feeling so unaccomplished.  But as always, with a wing an a prayer (and some kind words from one of my fellow bloggers ;-) I slowly began to bounce back.  Getting myself out of the dumps about things meant understanding that everyone has setbacks.  I myself was no stranger to unfulfilled plans and goals.  But this is something that happens to any and everyone struggling to make a fabulous life for themselves.

Instead of dwelling on the things I have yet to accomplish, I started looking at the things I have committed to and completed.  I also commended myself for actually creating a plan for myself and trying my hardest to find ways to make a better life for me and my family.  I am also a good friend, daughter, sister, wife, mother, student, employee, and mentor.  That in and of itself deserves a pat on the back.

Looking at the positives is something I should already be accustomed to, as my training in Solution-Focused Therapy suggests that positive self talk gets us back to our "happy place."  However, advice we learn and know are not always easy to apply to our own lives.  But when the light-bulb finally came on, I started re-evaluating my life and all the wonderful things about it.

I also started enjoying my own company.  I had lunch by myself, got spa treatment by myself, and enjoyed a couple of quiet afternoons alone with some smooth neo-soul music.  This helped me to see that I was spending too much time beating myself up, as opposed to nurturing myself and taking care of me-spiritually, physically, and emotionally.  Now I'm back at it with working out and taking time to do a few self-care check-ins as often as I can.

Most importantly, I have come to realize that I have to let this ambition, passion, and driven spirit within me shine more.  When I see other people accomplishing goals that I have yet to attain, I have a tendency to shrink like a flower, as if I am measuring my success by someone else's.  I have to stop worrying about what others think about my progress and focus more on progressing in general.  I can either allow negative comments from so-called friends and family members to knock me down, or allow them to see the "in it to win it" spirit within that has helped me to progress this far. 

The words from one of my favorite songs "Shine" by Laura Izibor illustrates my emotions almost exactly.  I decided not to let my life go to waste trying to measure up to people's expectations or to live life on autopilot, letting all the "good times" happen to other people.  It's time that I let the light inside of me shine, not for others, but for me!

from the archives 

May 2011

Relax, Relate, Release! How Bloggers Do Self-Care

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post about self-care and how important it is for us to take care of ourselves.  Not only was I stressing its importance to readers, I was also reminding myself that taking care of self helps one to remain centered, balanced, and at peace with life.  After sharing my personal thoughts on self-care, I received some great feedback from you guys!  I asked you all how you practice (or would begin to practice) self care and these are some of your wonderful responses:

♥ When I was in graduate school, and I was in the counseling field - that's when I really took self-care seriously. I was working full-time, going to school part-time and of course, was in a relationship - there's just too much to juggle on top of pages and pages of readings to do and papers to type. Having my alone time was (still is) a must. I also went to the gym more, ate healthier, etc. To this day, alone time is a part of my self-care routine. I still try to get enough sleep, I drink lots of water, go to the gym, eat healthier (i.e. lots of fruits, less sweets, if I want sweets, it's more of fruit snacks, such as dried food), I like to take long walks with my ipod, I read as much as I can, of course, blogging and tweeting with all of my favorite bloggers is a part of my self-care regimen. It really is important to do self-care. It feels good and if I take care of myself, then I'm better to care for others. ~Reni 

♥ I have been trying to implement some practices into my regimen like doing breathing exercises and sitting in silence for 15min/day. Idk its weird but taking the time out to clean and organize my room really helps me. I just lock my door (I have two nieces lol), blast some music, and get to work. I channeled my inner Ty Pennington last week and moved around furniture and all. It was like a mini therapy session and I'm so proud of the outcome. ~Joey 

♥ Having a 7 month old can sometimes get real hectic. Taking care of a child is a 24 hour job and can be overwhelming at times. I think mothers especially need that alone time to keep their sanity and to stay in tuned with themselves. After having a child i realized how much my alone time really meant before having her. I love my daughter with all that is me but sometimes i just need a "Ahhhhhh" moment. I just need some time to collect my thoughts and let go. Now im working on a schedule for my family as well as myself.This way i can get my... as Whitley would say RELAX, RELATE, RELEASE on lol. ~Elle

♥ I so need to take better care of myself mentally. There are not enough hours in the day and sometimes the phrase "burnt out" is an understatement. One of the things I am excited about trying is meditating. There are several health benefits to it and overall sometimes you just have to learn to quiet your thoughts and just breathe .~ The BK Vixen

♥ Just today I vowed to start taking better care of myself. Drinking more water and taking better care of my skin is first on my list. I have been doing so much that I haven't taken time for myself. I also think I am going to start journaling to sift through some of my thoughts and create my game plan for the next few months. ~Mimi of Unlikely Martha

♥ Most of all, I need to improve my prayer life. I find that when I stay closely connected the blinders come off with the quickness. ~Nellie of Brooklyn Active Mama

♥ I've actually been meaning to implement some self-care tips upon myself as of recently due to me feeling a bit "weathered" both physically and internally. A lot of my fatigue and lost-space of time comes from my new work as an editor. Recently I have had a bit of dry skin and hair, which is a result of dehydration and neglecting certain parts of my diet. Fortunately, Kim [of KimberlyLuxe] gave me some tips for how to "disguise" water casually into my daily routine without it appearing to be a "16 oz., 4 times a day" burden. I hope to drink more water along with take vitamins daily. So basically in short, two things I would like to start practicing soon for self-care reasons are: 1) Time management by way of writing more things down and getting into the habit of cracking open a physical agenda daily... versus just hitting the "snooze" on my Blackberry calender for each reminder that DOES come up. 2) Going back to paying attention to my skin and hair. Which is something I was religious about before and have since slacked on since my career. Bad skin and hair is not something that bothers me for vain reasons. It bothers me because that means internally, my homeostasis is imbalanced and that something is missing from my diet and is now only beginning to show on my exterior. I truly hope to stick to vitamins, water and more rest. ~Soraya 

♥ I have a hard time saying NO. I've learned that YES is a commitment and NO is a choice. Sometimes, you can't be there ALL of the time and that is okay. That is LIFE. Some things that I do for a self check in, spend as much alone time as possible. I have people that visit my house daily and although I love these people, I need peace sometimes (we all do). Time to think, smile and be at peace on my own is important to me. I drink lots of water, laugh often and write down EVERYTHING. I also read or listen to audio books, walk (daily) and frequent the gym. I would love to start adding other fun things to my self-care check. ~Daja of No Boiz Allowed

Thank you ladies for sharing your thoughts!  I appreciate you! I would also like to thank each and every one of you who reads the blog, shares your thoughts in the comments section, interacts with me on Twitter and/or interacts with the blog via Facebook.  I am thankful for all the new followers as well as those of you who have been following for some time now.  You guys are the greatest and you absolutely rock!

Why I'm Being More Proactive About Self-Care

What does the word burn-out mean to you guys?  I'm not sure yet what it means to me, because if it has existed in my life, I've previously denied  it.  I tend to continue on with my half-empty cup still trying to conquer the world.  You know how it is, right?  When people ask you how you're doing and you answer, "I'm great," knowing full well you're at 5 miles to empty.  It isn't until times like now when I'm tired, sleep-deprived, and only want to sit alone in my room with my notebook and cup of tea that I realize that I may need some time to myself, for myself.  How many of you often feel this way?

The sad reality of the matter is a large percent of my stress is self-inflicted.  I have the tendencies of a people-pleaser and often have trouble saying "no" to folks.  So those two things lead to my taking on of tasks whether I have time for them or not and often sacrificing my own needs to accomplish them.  And it's no one's fault but my own.  Unfortunately, I'm not quick to admit that in the midst of my frustration with those who I keep saying "yes" to.  In short, I need a refill of me or I'm going to be "tapped out" instead of burned-out.

In an attempt to fill-up, I am attempting to implement more self-care into my lifestyle.  During my first year in the school of social work, my advisor gave her students the task of having weekly self-care check-ins.  At first, this seemed menial and pointless, but before long I grew accustomed to doing something small for myself and sharing the details in class meetings each week.  I realized the activity was much more needed than I originally thought.

Some examples of my weekly self-care check-ins would be things such as:

• ✓drinking more water
• ✓exercising daily
• ✓implementing daily prayer and meditation into my schedule
• ✓spending an hour alone with no interruptions to look inward
• ✓visiting the local spa
• ✓reading a good book
• ✓trying out a new restaurant in my own company
• ✓having uninterrupted girl talk with a friend
• ✓getting a pedicure
• ✓making something beautiful with my hands

This morning, I stole away to my lonesome and searched for peace.  I wrote and reflected.  Then I wrote and reflected some more.  Then, I examined old journals in hopes of finding some sort of clues about myself that I may have overlooked.  Before my short hour was up, I had an "Aha" moment of sorts and began rebuilding my puzzle, piece by piece.  

How do you practice self-care?  And if you don't practice it as much as you feel you should, how would you like to begin taking better care of yourself?

Ladies and gentlemen, please remember to take care of yourselves.

Simple Saint or Brazen Bi-otch? Finding a Balance.

by Guest Blogger, Amber

A few months ago, Miss Dre wrote a pretty spot on article regarding How to Be a Mean Girl. Let's face it... every now and then, we all feel the need to take off the white gloves and let our claws out. What I really liked about her article is that she put the personal spin on it, and explains,

"I never turn anyone away because I like to make the lives of those closest to me a little easier."

I think this is something we can all relate to, but where do you draw the line? Can we turn down the obligatory feelings to help friends and family every now and then and still walk away guilt-free?

Girls Night in With Kimberly

Planning a fun night in with your girlfriends and have no clue where to start? Below Kimberly has creative ideas that will make for epic celebrations of friendship and good times.

In A Beautiful World: Random Thoughts

Do you ever wonder what life would be like in a beautiful world?  Well I do all the time!  I wonder what life would be like if everything I've experienced were as sweet as honey, soft as cotton candy, smooth as a Miles Davis tune, serene as a view of the ocean on a midsummer's night, and as spicy as scents of cinnamon and vanilla infused into all of my memories of early childhood.  Wouldn't that be something?

Some may argue that It may not be natural or even healthy to live so high up in the clouds.  That much may be so.  But sometimes the darkness of life causes me to search for an escape, a sweet release of sorts, to cast myself ashore.  While this may not work for some, it always makes a dim situation bright for me.  Besides, don't we all wish we could have sunny, beautiful days every day?  Don't we all wish we could rid the world of sorrow, famine, disaster, evil, fear, and turmoil?  

Well imagining my beautiful world and dreaming within it helps me to believe that one day all of those things can be possible.

In a beautiful world, what could be possible for you?  For us?  For our world?