5 Things My Awkward, Anxious, Introverted Self Wants to Tell You But Won't

They say Geminis have two sides and I truly believe that. While one side of me enjoys meeting new people and interacting with several people, the other side becomes paralyzed in fear at the thought of letting my guard down to interact. It's almost as if I'm afraid that one day people are going to see past the cool I pass off as confidence so I felt it was time that I share these words here on the blog. These are a few things my truly awkward and introverted self wants you to know about me, but I would have never shared with you outside of this blog post.

5 Ways to Show Love to Your Girls

If you've been around here for a while, you know I take self-care very seriously. I truly believe that the way we care for ourselves directly affects everything we do- how we care for others, how we receive others, how we interact, how we love, how we heal, and essentially how we thrive. But one important factor I failed to mention in partaking in self-care actually involves those closest to us-- our girlfriends.

What do your girlfriends have to do with self-care, you ask? Actually, it has so much to do with self-care. For us women, having a tribe of women to celebrate your wins with, cry over losses with, and just share life in general is wealth to our well-being. It is essential. Not only that, it makes perfect sense that once we have taken care of ourselves we pour that love and care into our sister tribe. Am I right? The first step in self-care is always filling yourself with the utmost care and nurturing. The next is to pass that love and care on to others, whether it be your friends, family, and/or your community.

So what have you done for your friends lately? When is the last time you've shown your best girlfriends a little love? If it's been a while for you (and I'm totally not judging you, sis-- it happens to all of us) here are a few ways to get back into the groove of showing your friends a little love.

How to Find Your Tribe

Do you ever find yourself frustrated and confused by all the changes taking place in your life? You could have recently moved in pursuit of a new job/change of scenery, enrolled in school, just had a baby, are recently married, or transitioning from working in Corporate America to full-time entrepreneurship. Any of these lifestyle changes can cause major stress in your life, making you feel overwhelmed and often alienated. Many of those closest to you may raise their eyebrows at your lifestyle changes if they don't understand them or the lifestyle doesn't mirror theirs.

Sometimes in dealing with these lifestyle changes our circle of friends change and rearrange. This can leave us feeling vulnerable and alone. And while many of us retreat to ourselves and just continue on with life, the truth is nobody can make it out here alone. Every woman deserves to have a circle of friends she can depend on for love and support. Not only that, we feel better about ourselves if we are able to be all of those things and more to others. So if you've ever found yourself experiencing these feelings and in search of your own sister tribe, hopefully these tips will help you on your journey.

August Wishes

Hello, beautiful people! Are you as stoked about the arrival of August as I am? I'm always excited about the beginning of a new month. For me (and many others I'm sure), it ushers in a fresh start. As we pull last month's calendar sheet away, we get the opportunity to chart our progress from last month's goals and prepare to create new goals for the month before us. 

Being a mom, I always look at the arrival of August as the time to prepare the kids for school. Even though they don't return for several weeks, it still seems like the time to bring summer events to a close and begin focusing on the next school year. So with the summer coming to an end and the school year approaching, it's time to prepare for a change in my family's schedules.

Here are my wishes for this week:

1. Make more pretty things. I've been obsessing over making pretty things lately. If I'm not revamping something around the house, I'm working on a DIY project I found on Pinterest. My latest project is an online boutique that I am currently working out the kinks on. I'll be sharing more about that with you guys next week. Thanks so much Donna for that extra push I so desperately needed ;-) But in the meantime, my goal is to make everything around me (and my loved ones) more beautiful. 

2. Stay in the middle of reading a good book. Thanks to Megan over at Semi-Charmed Kind of Life, I've been reading a lot lately. Her summer reading challenge has pulled me out of my comfort zone of always reading self-help books and African American Lit. My goal is to always be in the middle of a good read or two from now on. It really helps sharpen the mommy brain!

3. Keep exercising. One of the hardest yet most fulfilling goals I had last month was exercising. I know that sounds pretty lazy of me, doesn't it? But I find it so hard to stick to a routine! Fortunately, I gained a workout partner and joined a local gym that really motivates me to keep pushing. My goal is to keep going on schedule and stay pumped about it. 

4. Create "back-to-school" goals with the kids. Since I have been charting my goals and writing down my weekly ambitions, my children have been compelled to do the same---especially my daughter. After having a talk about setting realistic goals and intentions, they thought it would be great to create goals for the upcoming school year. So goal-setting we shall do!

5. Unplug on the weekends. Last month, I made a goal to unplug at least once a week. And just a few days after creating that goal, my computer went nuts! This frenzy created an unintentional blog break for me. And while I really missed my blog, I was much more productive around the house and in other areas. So by the suggestion of blogger friend Mimi, I will be unplugging from Friday night to Monday morning. Hopefully this will help me better manage my time.

6. Continue to write something daily. Even on the days I don't feel like writing, keeping up with my gratitude journal and prayer journal seem like more than enough to keep me jotting something down. And if my to-do lists count, I'm always writing something lol. 

7. Plan a summer's end celebration for the family. Hubby thinks it's a great idea to have a cookout or get-together before the little ones return to school. So I'm in full brainstorming mode for that. Any ideas, anyone?

What are your current goals?

 Let me know in the comments!

Five Simple Ways To Start Living Fearlessly

If you are that risk-taking, challenge-accepting, daredevil who boldly embraces change and takes life by the horns, let me be the first to say I applaud you! I tip my hat to you all. However, this post may or may not be for you.

This post, is however, for folks like me. You know, those of us who may be just a little afraid to take that next big step. Those of us who are shaken by the thought of trying something new. Those of us who could be getting a lot further in life if we only had the nerve. Though I'm no cowardly lion, and I'm sure you're not either, it's probably evident that we both could use a push when it comes to living fearlessly. And since my main focus in 2014 is being fearless, I've decided to share with you guys my personal list-- the five ways in which I have began my fearless way of living. These are indeed small, yet very measurable tasks. Though I'm only a few months in, I'm already seeing a change in my way of living. Read on to catch the deets and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments!


1. Say yes. How many times have you prayed feverishly for better opportunities--only to turn them down once they come? I, for one, have been guilty of this on several occasions in the past. I've dismissed ideas of golden opportunities being mine, letting excuses and fear get in my way more times than I'm willing to admit. The fear of not being "prepared" had become my chief excuse. Even when asked out to social events and networking opportunities, I've given reasons such as not having a sitter or not being able to get there. But once those opportunities and invitations began running few and far in between, I wondered why I didn't get them more often. I was practically giving them away! So lately, I've been GOING. And trust me, when you want to get out and go somewhere you will find a way!

2. Go alone. This is a hard one for me. And I can imagine it may be a hard one for others as well. There's just something about braving uncharted territory alone that scares me. There's no familiar faces to share knowing smiles across the room with. There's no one to spark a quick conversation with to break the ice. Or is there?

After going to a few events solo, I can't believe I didn't start sooner! I was able to network with new people and it was much easier doing so alone. Always depending on someone to be my "wing man" can make me a bit too comfortable-- too comfortable to start conversations with others, too comfortable to speak out in the crowd during ice-breakers, and too comfortable to fully engage in the company of others around me. I will admit, it's still a task to get out there and go to events by myself. But it's a rewarding experience each time I do so, because I'm able to prove to myself that it can be done! It really helps to diminish the fear of being alone as well as the fear of the "unknown."

3. Meet new people  (or interact with the people we know in different ways). Now for me, this is one of the harder tasks. While I believe myself to be a rather friendly person, I find it hard to approach people I don't know. So I started by reaching out to people that I come in contact with on an everyday basis. I would compliment another woman attending the same event I was. I would ask other parents about possible extra-curricular activities I could sign my children up for. And since I'm a "new" parent in my children's school system, asking questions about the school, the area, and ways to get involved have really helped spark conversations among new people. I can even see a couple of new friendships forming between myself and other moms. And remember, even if you are a bit too shy to spark up a conversation with someone you don't know, a smile can go a long way. Simply smiling at a seemingly friendly person in the workplace, in class, or other place I frequented has been the start of many of my relationships to this day!

4. Do new things (or do everyday things differently). Now for the easy part--this may be the easiest task on the entire list. For this particular task, I sat down at my desk and created a neat little list. Well, what was supposed to be a little list, but became a lengthy master-list. I wrote down new restaurants I would like to dine at. Then I wrote down my favorite restaurants, along with items I had not tried on their menus. I wrote down places in my neighborhood I have yet to visit. I also wrote down three trades I want to master (which are also on my 30 by 30 list), and I added to that list three passions I have that I would love to perfect.  And just before I got carried away with creating this list (as I am a chronic list-maker), I gave myself a timeline to accomplish these things by. And ladies and gents, these are simple things that require little effort. They are large in the greater realm of things to me, because it shows me that I am capable of living outside of this proverbial box I keep cornering myself into.

5. Go new places (or see familiar places with fresh eyes). I will admit to you guys now that I've used the excuse of not having the resources, the funds, and/or the connections to travel too many times in the past. Little did I know that MY affirmation with MY words that I was unable to travel put a message out into the world. Therefore, I made myself unable to go out and see new things because I professed it. So one day, I decided to stop using my words to limit myself. Back when I first started making vision boards and planning vacations (whether I knew I could actually take them or not) I felt the power to believe. I began to envision myself visiting new places that I read about in books or magazines. And before long, I was taking flights and packing bathing suits! Though fear of the unknown threatened to "shut the party down" on more than a few occasions, I said my prayers, repeated 2 Timothy 1:7, and trusted that the Lord would take care of me wherever I ventured to. And he did!

Nowadays, however,  I don't get to travel too often---especially with the new baby. But I dare not speak that I CAN'T travel. I simply refer to that list I spoke of in #4 and find a new place to check out in my town or the next town over. Once I stepped out of the box and created new experiences for myself, I realized how confining it was to limit myself all this time!

In what ways do you practice living fearlessly? 

I would love to hear about them in the comments. 

Ideas, experiences, and words of encouragement 

are welcomed and greatly appreciated!

Married & Dating: The Initial Conversation

When you saw the phrase "Married & Dating," what things initially came to mind? When Teems, Carissa, Tia and I began discussing a collaboration about married couples and their experiences with dating, I had no idea what we would call this series. And when the phrase "married and dating" came up, I thought it was perfect. That is, in fact, what we were and what we would be doing, right? We were collectively four married women who wanted to share how dating fosters healthy relationships with our spouses. But when I began to discuss this link-up series with my hubby, he seemed to be a bit put off by the title. 

Why is it called " married and dating?" he asked. "Who are you dating, anyways?" Of course, I assured him that in participating and co-hosting this series, I would blog about things we do together to keep our marriage fresh. I assumed he would know what I meant by married and dating, just as I assumed all of you out there would know exactly what we were talking about. But boy, was I wrong! 

Somehow my husband's idea ran along the lines of escapades similar to those of women involved in reality tv shows like "pregnant and dating." Why would he think we were talking about dating other people outside of our marriages is beyond me, but ladies and gentlemen please don't get it twisted. We're talking about healthy relations between married couples around here, not extramarital relations. I'm sorry if this may have confused anyone, including my babe!

What began as a simple question about being married and dating slowly evolved into a discussion on dating in general. As a man who admitted he was never "big" on dating overall, he asked me what it meant to be dating. I mean, this guy actually asked me the definition of dating. I questioned if he recalled all the things we've done together romantically together for the last 11 years but he didn't think that was considered dating lol. So I consulted ever-so-trusty GOOGLE via phone amid our conversation and gave him a simple definition of dating.

Dating means spending time with someone in which one shares a romantic interest.

Well, what do you know. He said we do that all the time! But he had no clue "people" called that dating. He thought we were just hanging out :)

Unfortunately, hubby and I haven't had the chance to spend time together doing anything we would consider a date lately. We have an anniversary coming up in a couple of days, so we've been saving all of our energies for that (don't worry, I'll share a post + pics too). However, he reminded me that if my definition of dating was just that, we definitely were sharing time (in the absence of our children) watching the Duke and UVA game yesterday. Lol. Mind you, this was my view. Right from our living room, completely uninterrupted by the little ones. 

And while this wasn't a typical date, there was nothing sweeter than sitting up under him watching the game during those moments. My husband is a die-hard Duke fan and it really meant a lot to him for me to take part in something he was interested in--even if it wasn't at the bar or sports lounge. And though his team lost, it was cool to watch. It was somehow refreshing to kick back and relax on the couch in sweats, cuddled up under J, in peace. That is, until he begins to scream and yell at the TV with his brows furrowed and fists clenched! Oh how I wish Duke would have caught that win yesterday!

Have you had a recent date night with  your spouse? I would love for you to tell me about it! Please grab the button below and link-up!

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Married & Dating: WE WANT YOU!

Calling all married couples!  Baby Teems, Green-Eyed Carissa, the Chic SAHM, and myself have teamed up again to spread the love all over social media once more. This time are collaborating on a link-up series called "Married & Dating." We all agree that keeping the fire going in our marriages means spending quality time with our spouses. And each of us thought it would be awesome to see more stories from other married folks about their experiences with dating.  So in an effort to support and highlight these precious moments, we're doing a link-up every third Monday of the month on our blogs. And we want you to participate! 

All you have to do is share a post on your blog about your date night (or date in general). It doesn't have to be a lengthy post, either. Just share a few pics and notes on what you guys did, where you went, what you wore, or whatever you feel comfortable sharing. Our first link-up kicks off next Monday and we would love it if each of you that can will take part.  I know many of you have a few pics stored in your phone from your last date night that you'd love to share with us!

And if you're reading this and don't have a blog, you can still share! Feel free to upload your pics to Instagram, Twitter, and or Pinterest using the hashtag #MarriedMondays. We love seeing happily married couples on the Interwebs and we know you do, too! 

So remember, all you have to do is go on a date (or have gone on a date) and share your experience. The first link-up will be available Monday, March 17, so be on the lookout. I can't wait to see your posts and read all about your experiences with being married and dating!

If you would like additional information about this link-up or have questions, feel free to comment below or email me at missdre910(at)gmail(dot)com. 

Be sure to grab the button below to participate:

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7 Days of Love | The Sexy Playlist

Happy Valentine's Day, beautiful people! Alas, we have reached the final day of our "7 Days of Love" collaboration, and I must say it's bittersweet. I've had fun engaging with you guys this week. We've talked about ways to keep our marriages hot & sexy, we've shared stories about our first kiss with our husbands, and we've even given you a few ideas for date night looks and romantic Valentine's Day dinners. And to end it all with a bang, we're sharing a playlist of our favorite sexy songs to set the mood. Now y'all know this is right up my alley, right? If I could, I'd make you all a mixtape for the occasion! But since I can't, I'm going to share a lengthy list of my favorites with you guys. Now let me warn you ahead of time-- some of these songs are not for the faint of heart. I'm gonna take it easy with a few of them myself, as I am not ready to be running behind baby # 4 yet, lol. Check out the list, though. I hope you see something you like!

FOR LOVERS ONLY

1. Would You Mind- Janet Jackson

2. Seconds of Pleasure- Van Hunt

3. Love You Down- Silk

4.Til The Cops Come Knockin'- Maxwell

5. The Panties- Mos Def

6. Etcetera- R. Kelly

7. On My Way- Ginuwine

8. Upstairs- Trey Songz

9. 'Bout It, Bout It- Jesse Powell

10. Before I Let You Go- Blackstreet

11. Seems Like You're Ready- R. Kelly (J's Pick)

12. Teach Me- Miguel

13. Untitled (How Does It Feel)- D'Angelo

14. Anytime, Anyplace- Janet Jackson

15. Sex Games- Case

16. Insatiable- Prince

17. Nice 'n Slow- Usher

18. Butta Love- Next (J's Pick)

19. Speechless- Beyonce'

20. The Love Scene- Joe

21. Say Yes- Floetry

22. Just Once, Oncemore, Three Times- Rome

23. Love Faces- Trey Songz

24. Pretty Girl- Jon B.

25. After 12, Before 6- Sam Salter

WHAT'S ON YOUR PLAYLIST?

Now visit these ladies & see what they're listening to:

The Chic SAHM

Baby Teems

Carissa via The Green Eyed Lady Blog

7 Days of Love | Our First Kiss

Today marks the fourth installment of our "7 Days of Love" collaboration. If today is your first day on the blog, the "7 Days of Love" is a week-long collaboration between The Green Eyed Lady Blog, Baby Teems, The Chic SAHM and myself. Since Saturday we've been blogging about love and romance per 7 given prompts. And it's been a blast so far! Today's prompt asks us to recall our first kiss with our husbands. Here goes nothing!

I am going to keep it all the way real with you, ladies. I could not remember our first kiss for the life of me. When I read this prompt, my mind started racing. I calculated the years I've known him. I sifted through the memories of our first encounters. I smiled as I looked back at all of the sweet gestures he did when the relationship was fresh and new. But I could not remember our first kiss. So when we sat down and talked about sweet memories the other night, I asked him could he remember our first kiss. At first, he stared at me puzzled. He thought I was asking a trick question and that he could possibly "get in trouble" if he could not recall the date or time-- sorta like that whole remembering important anniversaries thing. But when he looked in my pitiful brown eyes and saw that I couldn't remember either, I could see that heavy sigh of relief rise from his chest, lol. Neither of us had a clue. So we begin to talk about our early days of getting to know each other. How we used to visit after school and on weekends. And when I remembered that one night he was dropping me off home and "Come to Daddy" by R. Kelly was playing in the Dually, I smiled as I recalled what I thought was our first kiss. 

Now I want to tell you that it was passionate. I want to tell you that I looked into his big beautiful brown eyes and was so enamored by him that we locked lips instantly, like Jason and Lyric did in the movie. "Come to Daddy" spilled loosely from the truck's speakers and all I saw were fireworks after that. That's what I really want to tell you. But because my husband just couldn't let me be great, he said that was not our first kiss. 

He says we were sitting up at his dad's house alone with some raunchy 50 Cent song playing in the background. I didn't even want to hear anymore after he said that, and I told him he was sadly mistaken. I wanted that memory to be a sweet, romantic, and sentimental one. Just imagining him & I all cuddled up on his dad's couch with that horrible song (that I'm not even gonna tell you the name) playing in the background makes me cringe lol. He could be right though. 

But since we deliberated on the issue for what seems like an hour, I grew frustrated. It was starting to feel like that episode of Martin when he and Gina were going back and forth about the night they first met. So for the sake of getting this post done in a timely manner, we thought it would be cool if we talked about our first public kiss. J isn't big on PDA, so we both remember that day perfectly. 

He came to visit me at WSSU for the weekend. It was a warm, late summer afternoon in 2003 and we were looking for things to do. We were both in an unusually great mood. I went from seeing him everyday to not seeing him for weeks, so I was glad to be next to him riding down the highway that day. And since it was so warm out, we decided to go to a local park after having breakfast. I had recently gotten Beyonce's Dangerously in Love CD and I recall "That's How You Like It" playing right before we got out of the car. We walked around the park hand-in-hand, something we had never done prior to that day. I sensed that he was growing more comfortable with me and was slowly beginning to take off his cool.  And I loved it. After walking down the nature trail and talking about some of everything under the sun, we took a seat at a picnic table. Within a few moments of exchanging sweet nothings, we kissed. Right there in the park. With people watching and everything! That was so not like J. But I was miles from "home" and I was sure no one from the "yard" was out at the park that day. And though it was short, simple, and sweet, I'll always remember that day. Though we had been dating for a while, his behavior that day showed me he was no longer afraid to show a softer side of himself. We always look back at that day and smile. And though we did quite a few other things that weekend, those moments at the park always stand out. 

Do you remember your first kiss with your mate?

Tell me all about it in the comments! 

And be sure to check out these beautiful ladies dish about their first kiss!

The Chic SAHM

Baby Teems

Carissa via The Green Eyed Lady Blog

7 Days of Love | 5 Ways I Keep the Passion in Marriage

Happy Monday, loves! Today is Day 3 of the "7 Days of Love." If you missed the posts from the weekend, "7 Days of Love" is a week-long collaboration between The Chic SAHM, The Green-Eyed Lady Blog, Baby Teems, and myself. During this week, we will be writing about love and romance, per 7 given prompts. Today's prompt asks us how we keep our marriages hot and sexy. Below, I have listed 5 ways I keep the passion burning with mine!

1. COMMUNICATION- Just as I mentioned on Saturday, open communication is a must. When it comes to keeping the passion in our marriages, we have to be able to express our innermost thoughts, desires and expectations with our mates without shame or guilt. If I want to try something different with my spouse, I know I can talk openly and candidly with him without judgment and vice versa. I can also count on my husband to try everything within his power to fulfill those desires. Your spouse has no sure way of knowing how to please you or keep you satisfied if you do not communicate about these things. 

2. PRESERVING MY SEXY- I've always loved that phrase every since I heard Diddy say it in a Proactive commercial. "Preserving your sexy" simply means making sure you are always looking your best. Whether it be keeping my hair nice and neat, my skin glowing and healthy, or my body in top physical fitness (ok, I need to work on this one), I try to always look my personal best. And trust me, you don't have to spend a lot of money to do it. Most of the time, I do my own hair, my own manicures/pedicures, and my own facials. There are many talented vloggers on YouTube that can show you how to do it all! It's totally worth it when I notice the way my husband still looks at me with desire and admiration after all these years :)

3. BUILDING HIS CONFIDENCE- I believe building confidence in my husband really keeps the fire burning in our marriage. Over time,  I have learned to be more vocal in my appreciation of him. When he cooks a dish (though it's rarely) I express how thankful I am and how well of a job he did. When he gets dressed up, I love to tell him how handsome he looks. And with everything he does that I like, I try to always give him positive feedback. Now I know that us women love "brownie points," but I never realized until now how much men enjoy them, too. It makes them want to please us and make us smile even more. And what man doesn't want to feel confident in knowing they are like Superman in the eyes of their wives?

4. DATE NIGHT IN- This is a really great option for hubby and I, as we are not always able to get out and go on dates. Sometimes, when all the kids are asleep, I'll make a special dinner just for him. I'll light candles, and create a very romantic ambiance right at home. If he wants to see a movie, I'll grab something on redbox or find something we haven't seen on Netflix and I'll set the mood for movie-viewing. I try to find a way to recreate anything he would want to do outside of the home, inside the home. That way, we can still spend quality time alone whether we have a sitter or not. And we can always retreat to the bedroom with ease afterwards :)

5. ROLE-PLAYING- Don't get the wrong idea, guys. Role-play is not exclusive to sex. Sometimes it's nice to switch your look or way of doing things up a bit. Those of you that know me well know I like to change my hairstyle quite regularly. And there's something about a new look that thrills my husband. They say that variety is the spice of life, so perhaps he feels like he's getting to know someone new when I change my hair. And since he responds so well to a change in my appearance, I am confident with implementing role-play on an intimate level. To read more about implementing role-playing ideas into your marriage, check out this article from All Women Stalk. Number 2 is definitely tried and true for me, perhaps because that's the role I'm most familiar with in real life. The imagination is a great tool for romance and has really heated things up in my marriage!

 What do you do to keep things 

hot & sexy in your marriage?

Click the links to see what my fellow partners do to keep their marriages spicy!

The Chic SAHM

Baby Teems

Carissa via The Green Eyed Lady Blog

7 Days of Love | My Husband Reminds Me Of...

Today is Day 2 of the "7 Days of Love." If you missed the introduction yesterday, " 7 Days of Love" is a week-long collaboration between The Chic SAHM, The Green-Eyed Lady Blog, Baby Teems, and myself. During this week, we will be writing about love and romance, per 7 given prompts. Today's prompt asks us which celebrity our husbands remind us of.

I will admit, this topic was a tough one for me. At first, I couldn't think of any celebrities that remind me of my husband. However, quite a few of my family members say J reminds them of my celebrity crush, Michael Ealy. I don't know if it's the roles he plays or his mannerisms, but he definitely seems like the strong, silent, and humble type- pretty much like my husband. Now looking at Michael Ealy making this facial expression below really reminds me of J.

And while I don't think this person looks like my husband, he sure does remind me of him! T.I. is such a family man, much like my J. He spends most of his free time with the children. He makes sure they're involved in extra-curricular activities, keeps them enjoying "the good outdoors" with various projects, and is always giving them a lesson on morals and values. And you know how T.I. is about his "white room?" J is the same way about his beloved living room suite. Too bad the kids eat snacks and put their feet up in the couches anyways.

Now that I think of it, J and I would have made a cute little version of Rashad and New-New. J being all reserved and hard-working and me being all gum-popping and door-knocker rocking lol.

Does your husband or significant other remind you of any celebrity?

Be sure to stop by and check out my partners and their take on the topic. 

The Chic SAHM

Baby Teems

Carissa via The Green Eyed Lady Blog

And if you'd like to join in, feel free to use the prompts and tell us about your post in the comments!

7 Days of Love | 3 Lessons Learned in Marriage

Hey guys! In celebration of Valentine's Day this upcoming week, I'm collaborating with three of my beautiful blogger friends on a series called the "7 Days of Love." Each day we will be talking about different topics with the approaching day of love in mind. 

For the first day, we are to discuss things marriage has taught us. Seeing as how J and I had been together 8 years before we got married, we learned a lot about relationships prior to saying "I Do." So to keep it light, airy and romantic around here, I'll discuss 3 major lessons being married for the last (almost) three years has taught me.

1. COMMUNICATION IS ESSENTIAL.  I feel like the main ingredient of any lasting relationship is great communication. J and I are able to talk about ANYTHING together and I'm very grateful for that. No matter what is going on or what kind of emotions I am experiencing, I know I can go to someone who has my best interest at heart. Sometimes I have a tendency to bottle my emotions in until the point that they come bubbling over. But being with J through the best of times and worst of times has shown me that I can truly depend on him to listen and really care about my feelings. If there is an issue within our marriage, I have no problem going to him and discussing it, either. While sometimes it may be tough, we always try our best to "talk it out" whenever something is bothering us. A little conversation about a matter can go a long way! 

2. DATE NIGHT, LUNCH DATES, & MONDAY MATINEES ARE A MUST. One would think that J and I spend a lot of time together, being that I'm a SAHM. But that's not always the case. Having children, with one being a 5 month old, can be quite taxing! So when I'm not spending time nurturing them, working on various projects, or taking care of the home, I'm trying to get a few winks in. Lately, however, I'm only able to catch those winks when J is home. With everyone being busy during the week and always having a meeting to attend, practice to go to, and extracurricular activities to work on, it's easy to lose that quality time a new marriage so desperately needs. That's why I make sure to schedule time throughout the month that J and I are able to spend alone without the children. Sometimes it happens in the daytime, sometimes we are lucky enough to score weekends. But whenever it's feasible, we do make the effort to do something together. Not getting that one-on-one time leads for two frustrated parents and no one wants to see that, trust!

3. THE CHASE SHOULD CONTINUE, EVEN AFTER VOWS ARE EXCHANGED. For some reason, the sanctity of marriage can get a bad rap these days, when it comes to intimacy. People assume, because of these played-out stereotypes, that married women stop fixing up and claim to have a headache when it's time to get intimate. Others think married men are sex-deprived and dream of living life like their single friends. None of this is true. Well at least not for me it isn't. Please understand that each individual marriage is what the couple makes of it. I still like to "get pretty" for my husband among other things, and he enjoys "getting to know me" on a deeper level. We still talk and ask each other questions as if we are getting to know each other all over again after eleven years. He still tells me I'm beautiful. I still tell him he blows my mind. We still date, role-play and all that other fun stuff. I say all of this to say, we've been learning that we can still keep the fire burning as long as we put in the work. Fireworks aren't gonna just shoot from the sky!

What lessons have you learned in your marriage?

Please be sure to stop by and check out my partners for the week. 

We are each married SAHMs that have something interesting to add to the mix.

So check them out and show them some love!

The Chic SAHM

Baby Teems

Carissa via The Green Eyed Lady Blog

 

Feel free to join in on the fun by using these prompts if you would like! 

We will be here all week :)

Monday Dose of Diva: Don't Take it Personal

"Just one of them days... when I wanna be all alone. It's just one of them days... when I gotta be all alone"

How many of ya'll hear this song and immediately twist your neck and belt out the lyrics boisterously?  Well I do.  I know many women that can relate to this song.  In 1995, the diva-in-training Monica shared with R&B music fans all over world what it was like for a woman to have a bad day in her hit single "Don't Take it Personal".  Even at the tender age of 14, the maturity in her voice left listeners with an understanding of how to deal with a lady's mood swings.

This morning I felt compelled to share this song with all of my divas (and men who must deal with "diva-tudes"--be it your mother, spouse, sig. other or the like) because-- well I'm having one of those days myself.  Yes, already.  I'm cranky, in need of coffee, and upset that nothing is fitting right.  I know that I can be a train wreck in the morning and a bad word in the afternoon (thanks, Bey), so I have to take responsibility by warning folks.  Sometimes I have to tell hubs not to take my actions personally and with a tad bit of space and lots of understanding, I will bounce back in no time.  In fact, for the rest of the day, I will be spending time enjoying my space.  In the meantime, check out Monica's video for our just one of them days anthem, "Don't Take It Personal".

Ladies, do you ever feel like this?  Men, how do you deal with this?

2013 in Review + Intro to 2014

I really meant to have this post together before now. It is currently the dawn of a new day and year, as 2014 is upon us! I'm so thankful to be here still rocking with you all. 2013 was a great year, full of discovery and surprises. Though I've had a few misses, I can still say that 2013 was good to me. As a way of charting my progress and gearing up for 2014, I am doing Rosetta Thurman's Annual Review (courtesy of Happy Black Woman) for the second time.  It has been quite helpful to me, so I wanted to share my review in hopes that you may want to do the same.

What I Want to Remember About 2013 

What was the most valuable lesson I learned this year? This year, I really learned how to trust the Lord in all things. When I found out hubby and I were pregnant with baby #3, I was so unprepared. I wondered and worried about how that would change our family dynamic. God showed up and showed me that if I trusted Him, He would make a way for my husband and I to provide for our growing family. Throughout my pregnancy, we experienced quite a few challenges. But God interceded, made a way out of no way, and blessed us with a healthy baby boy, among other things. I'm just in awe of how amazing He has been to us.

What was the best book and/or movie I discovered this year? Reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz was such an eye-opening experience for me. It was about more that reading a few lines and vowing to live by their precepts. It invited me to a new way of thinking. I saw how making assumptions and taking things personally have caused me to make damaging decisions in the past. It has also encouraged me to be impeccable with my word (whether it be spoken or written) and to always do my personal best. Everyone should read it!

The Best Man Holiday has been the movie of the year for me. Watching the cast members grow from their 1999 roles to deal with matters of the heart, experiencing ups & downs in their careers, and terminal illness really made me pay attention to the things going on within me and in the lives of those around me. Seeing The Best Man Holiday was like a call to action for me. I needed to understand that for every peak we hit in life, valleys will also come. Nothing is constant. Seasons change in every aspect, including friendships. No one is ever too immersed in "living" that they shouldn't reach out and connect with someone. You'll never know how much they need you or how much you need them if you don't. I learned many of these lessons the hard way this year, so this movie was a very emotional one for me. It was something I really needed to see illustrated though. It did my heart good.

What was the biggest personal milestone I reached this year? I think I've matured a lot as a wife this year. Though I've spent the last ten years of my life in love with J and the last 2 years married to him, I believe that this year has been more essential to our growth as a couple than others. We've seen some stressful times this year. But finding my place in my marriage, being secure as his wife, and most importantly consulting God and praying for my marriage have really kept things moving smoothly around here. I've been known to crack under pressure when dealing with a lot of things, but with this-- I've vowed to hold this spot down until death do us part. And I will :)

 What I Want to Leave Behind As I Enter 2014 

Which goals did I make the least progress on this year? 2013 was supposed to be the year of networking and connecting with other creatives, bloggers, and people with whom I shared similar interests. When finding out I was having a baby, I used that as an excuse to become stagnant. I didn't go out and network as much as I wanted to, nor did I take the opportunities to cultivate my interests into something greater. I broke those promises to myself, so I will definitely have to make amends. I owe myself that much.

What did I do in 2013, if anything, that was out of alignment with my values? It's not necessarily what I did in 2013 that wasn't in alignment with my values. It's more of what I didn't do. I value community and family immensely. However, I didn't really do anything in 2013 to uplift or further build my "back yard" in ways that I know I can. I've been presented with a couple of opportunities recently, so I'm hoping to work closer with my "back yard" and really make a difference with my family and community.

Gabs and J at Relay for Life 2013

What I Want to Bring Into My Life in 2014

What do you deserve more of in 2014? In 2014, I believe I deserve more romance, date nights, lunch dates with friends, and weekend getaways with my family. I deserve to allow abundance and opportunity to pour into and envelope me. 

My brother + my babies during the holidays

What personal milestone(s) do you most want to reach this year in your relationships, health, family, finances, education and/or lifestyle?  I would bore you guys with resolutions like losing weight, eating healthier, spending more time with family + friends, and saving money, but I'm not. While I do want to do all those things, I feel that they are things I've been working on constantly. For a change, I want to be more adventurous in 2014. I'm going to be bold and ask for things, even if I'm afraid the answer may be know. I'm going to dive in and do things I'm terrified of doing. I'M GOING TO EMBRACE FEAR, DANCE WITH IT, AND DEFY IT. Period.

What professional accomplishments (at work or in your business) do you want to see for yourself this year? I don't want to share too much here and jinx the whole operation, so I will tell you all to stay tuned. I have some high hopes and hopefully, I will see some fruits of my laboring this year :)

What do you want to learn in 2014? I STILL want to learn to sew. Now I realize I've known a stellar instructor all along, so I can soon make this a reality!

What do you want to cross off of your bucket list in 2014? I want to cross off wearing a bikini to the beach, starting a vlog, and taking a pole fitness class (don't judge me lol).

What I Want My Blog to Look Like in 2014

I can't wait to share more with you guys this year. I embrace the opportunity to continue getting to know many of you! In the past, I've shared interests in music, thrifting, beauty and style here. This year, I hope to further engage you guys in all of these subjects even more. I plan to also share more about my family life, as I mentioned in prior posts. I feel such a joy in blogging, especially when I'm blogging about things that I'm passionate about. So while I want to share things that you guys enjoy reading, I must first make sure that these things are in alignment with my passions. 

I like to keep things easy breezy around here, but from time to time I may want to vent or beat my laptop to my heart's content about whatever is going on around me. Don't worry-- I won't turn the blog into Dear Diary or anything. I just hope you guys continue to rock with me through the good, the bad, and the ugly, should it come. I appreciate you all so much for continuing to read, comment, and engage with me here and on other social networks. I'm also very grateful for those of you who are new subscribers and liked what you saw here enough to continue on this journey with me. Stay tuned for the upcoming YouTube channel, too! 

Thanks for rocking with me in 2013 and still rocking with me in 2014! Y'all could have done anything in the world today, but you're taking a few minutes to mix it up with me. And I appreciate y'all for it! 

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Reflections: 2012 in Review

Alas, ladies and gentlemen. 2013 is only a few nights away and at this moment I am reflecting on how much I have learned and grown this year.  I've had some hits, some misses, and made some moves in which I still await a verdict.  All in all, I can say that 2012 has been very good to me.  As a way of charting my progress and preparing myself for the upcoming year, I decided to do Rosetta Thurman's Annual Review (courtesy of Happy Black Woman).  It has been very helpful to me, so I would like to share my review with you guys in hopes that you will do this review for yourselves also.  I will warn you in advance-- it's a lengthy read so bear with me!

What I Want to Remember About 2012

What was the most valuable lesson you learned this year?  Spread love as much as you can and as often as you can.  I don't always have the means to give as much as I would like to financially, but as long as I'm breathing, I always have the ability to love. Being able to show love to another is such an underrated experience.  In turn, I don't know what I would do without the love I've received from my closest friends, family, and even complete strangers.  Love is what really keeps us alive.

What professional accomplishments (at work or in your business) were you most proud of this year? I am most proud that I now have a sponsor here! Stay tuned as I will share more about this next month.

What was your favorite family/friends moment from 2012?  My favorite family/friends moment from 2012 was definitely my grandfather's birthday party.  My grandfather is a warm, loving, wise, and highly respected man in the community and it warmed my heart to see so many people come out to celebrate his life.  The conversations, hugs, and pleasantries shared among family and friends combined with good eating and music made for an awesome day.  My grandma even smiled long enough to take pictures :)  It was a beautiful thing to know our family was able to come together and share love for my grandfather in a big way, as he is getting up in age.  And he was overwhelmed with joy!

What was the best book/blog/song/movie/restaurant/city/country/etc. you discovered this year?

Book:  the first that comes to mind is Farther Than I Meant To Go, Longer Than I Meant To Stay by Tiffany Warren. It's a book I read via the FWB Book Club.  I learned so much about being patient, waiting on the Lord, and consulting Him in all areas of my life from this read. 

Blog: I have fallen in love with Christa all because of her blog, Inspired by Beatrice Clay.  When I joined Bloggers Like Me, her blog is one of the first I came across.  Her words were so inspiring, her thoughts were so insightful, and her challenges always motivated me to do better. Please be sure to check out the blog and tell her I sent ya over there! 

Song: To ask me to choose one song for the year is like offering me one chip from an entire can of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles. This is a difficult task!  The ratchet side of me wants to say Cashin' Out by Cash Out because it has played a million times in my car this year lol.  And the romantic side of me wants to say Adorn by  Miguel for the same reason. But if I had to choose a theme song for the year I would have to say Stand Up by Jessie J.

Movie:  The Perks of Being a Wallflower was one of my favorite movies of the year. Note I did not say Avengers (mainly because I've raved about it so much this year already!). Please check it out if you haven't already. 

What I Want to Leave Behind As I Enter 2013

Which personal development area(s) did you make the LEAST progress on this year: health, finances, education, relationships, family, work and/or lifestyle?  I have made the least progress in my health goals this year.  I need to start going to the doctor more often.  The belief that I can concoct something at home that can make me feel brand new is not as true as I once thought.  I've never had high blood pressure before this year, so that is the first indicator that I need to take better care of my health.  I also need to take my physical fitness goals more seriously.  (Anyone in the area in need of a workout partner?  I am so serious!)

What promises (to yourself or others) did you break in 2012? In 2012, I vowed to spend more time with my friends and put more effort into making more connections. Needless to say, I didn't do as much of either as I would have liked.  I have a tendency to retreat to my own personal space when I'm going through things.  Instead of seeking comfort and solace from friends, I tend to push them away and keep to myself.  From now on (starting tonight and not waiting until 2013) I will make more of an effort to nurture my friendships, reach out to my friends, and be there for them when they need me.  I'm for real this time.  I will also step out of my comfort zone and try my hardest to meet new people in my area by attending more events and accepting more invitations.  

What arguments/gossip/hurtful comments, if any, did you participate in or make this year that you wish you could take back and/or apologize for? I haven't had any heated arguments with anyone that I can recall (as I tend to avoid conflict as much as possible), but I have had issues with individuals that took place back in 2011 that as of tonight have still been unresolved.  Sometimes, I wish the whole ordeal would have never taken place, but when I look back at everything I realize it was inevitable.  The only thing that bothers me about the situation is it has affected relationships with my family and it has affected by ability to trust others.  I wish I knew how to resolve it, but for now I don't.  

What opportunities, if any, did you miss out on in 2012 because of fear or procrastination? Fear has placed so many roadblocks in my life. So much so, that I may have to address that at another time in another way. This year it has prevented me from sharing my true feelings with others, taking chances, and making changes I know are necessary for my growth.  With God's help, I know I can move past the fear though. Keep me in your prayers, guys.

What I Want to Bring Into My Life in 2013

What do you deserve more of next year? What do you deserve less of next year? In 2013, I believe I deserve more love.  I will allow more love and happiness to pour into my life. I deserve less disappointment, dishonesty, and negativity.

What personal milestone(s) do you most want to reach this year in your relationships, health, family, finances, education and/or lifestyle?  This upcoming year, I wish to spend more quality time with my husband and children, visit the doctor and exercise more often, make better financial choices that will better benefit my children, add another skill set/diploma/certificate and degree to my resume', and spend more time connecting with others.

What professional accomplishments (at work or in your business) do you want to see for yourself this year? I would love to have a functioning work from home business, get started with my freelance MUA efforts, and to assist my daughter with her ambitions of starting a jewelry line.

What do you want to learn in 2013? I want to learn to sew!

What do you want to cross off of your bucket list in 2013? I want to cross visiting Las Vegas and meeting three of my blogger besties in my head off my bucket list in 2013.

What I Want My Life to Look Like in 2013

What part of your life do you want to pay more attention to in 2013?   I want to pay more attention to my family life in 2013.  Of course, I have professional and personal goals for myself, but I want to put more effort into building and strengthening my family. 

Who do you want to spend more time with in 2013? I want to spend more time with my friends in 2013.  I hate that my closest friends live so far away, as our time spent together is quite limited.  But I have no problem hopping on a plane so I can look in their faces more often this year!  I also have special people in my life that live less than an hour's drive from me that I hope to make more great memories with next year as well. 

Which activities, habits or behaviors, if any, do you want to stop doing in 2013 because they are no longer in alignment with your values?   As I mentioned before, I have a habit of retreating to self.  I spend more time alone than I probably should.  And this is something that has only started happening within the last two years.  I would love to be more social and less introverted, so I have to stop this behavior.

Which activities do you want to start and/or continue doing in 2013?  I want to spend more time enjoying my city this year.  I've been living here for a few years now, and have only recently started enjoying all that the city has to offer.  I also would like to visit other landmarks besides the beach.  Perhaps I could plan another trip to the mountains soon!  All in all, I want to see some new stuff!

Have you taken the time to reflect on all that has taken place, all you have accomplished, and things that didn't go as you liked in 2012?